


First Love

by JusTaZzI



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst and Humor, Betrayal, Family Drama, Guilt, Lost Love, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-27 20:06:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JusTaZzI/pseuds/JusTaZzI
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I fell in love with a superstar. I fell in love with my best friend who became a superstar technically. We both had big dreams. He just happened to go with the original plan and I changed plans. Do I still love Blaine Anderson? Of course I do. But I will never forget what happened that night he came back. Years Later We're reuniting, But can we get past Ego's, Hurt, Pain and Guilt</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Were It All Began

_“So little to say but so much time,_

_Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind “_

…….

I fell in love with a superstar.

I fell in love with my best friend that became a superstar technically.

He was everything that I wanted to be and needed in high school.

I started school with the mentality that I wasn’t going to make friends or never even attempt to talk to anyone.

I fell in love with him the first time he looked at me.

He had this puppy dog/dapper dan persona that I couldn’t resist.

You know when you’re first coming out; hitting puberty, and basically becoming a teenager your hormones get the best of you.

The first time a like’s you and shows you interest, you fall in love with him, want to get married, adopt kids, a house with the white picket fence and grow old together.

I was one of those ridiculous silly easy gay teen boys.

But I was also the only openly gay kid who was in glee club, who had very girlish and flamboyant ways; I had an absolute impeccable taste in fashion and a great personality.

_Who wouldn't want to date me right?_

After sophomore year at McKinley I thought my life was going to be hell.

I thought that I'm never going to be happy or appreciated for who I was.

Yes, my dad accepted me for who I am and yes my step mother and step brother seem ok with it, but I was always looking for a little bit more.

I was looking to be liked,

To be loved.

To not feel a shame or who I am.

To be saved.

And he was it.

Til this day I still don’t see how I could have snagged a friend like him when I needed it.

My first day of junior year was when he finally made his grand entrance into my life.

I and some of the ladies from glee club were in the hallway when he made his grand entrance.

He had a beautiful tone of olive skin. You can tell that he shaves, but he looks as if he had a 5 o clock shadow, but that made him look even better.

His hair was curly but tamed with little gel.

He had honey comb eyes to die for.

He had the cutest Dorito shaped eyebrows.

He had a beautiful smile.

I remember his outfit like it was yesterday.

He wore a black and off white stripped t-shirt and black skin jeans with black boots and a burgundy cardigan to top it off.

He was everything I wanted.

He was stylish and absolutely fucking gorgeous.

But I couldn’t have him.

He presumed to be straight.

…….

Blaine’s PoV

I transferred to McKinley my junior year.

I was homeschooled for a year and a half.

I was gay bashed when me and one of the other gay guys went to a Sadie Hawkins dance together.

When the dance was over, we were cornered.

I had three cracked ribs.

Busted lip.

Fractured knee

And a few scars on my back to this day I can’t get rid of.

When my dad told me that we were moving to Lima from Westerville, I wasn’t the biggest fan.

But at least I get to make new friends and hopefully now go back to school.

It will be interesting and scary at the same time to start a new school.

I'm just hoping there is not as many homophobic as my other school.

And I hope secretly that they have a glee club.

….

When we finally settled down, my dad told me that I would be starting at McKinley high school in 2 days’ time.

I was ecstatic

Petrified

Anxious

And worried

What if no one liked me?

….

My dad dropped me off at McKinley high school.

He wished me luck and told me that I have to report to Ms. Pillsbury on the second floor, off the staircase.

I went to Ms. Pillsbury.

She was fairy nice, but quirky and kind of suspicious. She gave me my locker assignment and schedule.

…..

I started to head down the hall to my locker and I look up from my schedule, I see a face of and angel.

He had the most exquisite porcelain skin I’ve ever seen.

He had beautiful blue, gray, green whatever eyes.

But they were magnificent.

He had perfectly chestnut coifed hair.

Not one hair out of place.

Beautiful posture.

He was a little taller than me.

He was well groomed.

He was talking to two girls when I first saw his gorgeous smile.

He was wearing a red dress shirt with black suspenders.

One was over his shoulder and the other wrapped around his middle area.

He wore a pair of black designer jeans that were really really really tight.

The way that the jeans hugged him perfected and cured my curiosity of his ASSets.

A pair of Doc Marten knee high boots.

He glanced up and smiled at me.

I could have died and went to gay heaven.

….

It was a week before I got the courage to walk up to him and say anything.

I was on my way to lunch when I saw him by his locker.

Perfect timing.

I walked up to his locker.

As he closed his locker he looked up to me and almost looked _scared_ in a way.

“Hi, I’m new around here. My name is Blaine Anderson”

I held out my hand.

He looked down at my hand and then gave me a sly smile.

“Pleasure to me you, Kurt Hummel.”


	2. Final Goodbye

_So little to say but so much time,_

_Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind_

_…._

Blaine’s PoV

It’s the end of the summer and now we’re going our separate ways.

And I'm forever going to miss Kurt.

Yes, I know were going to stay in touch, but I have this feeling that I'm going to fuck everything up and that’s going to lead to me losing him forever.

I can’t lose him.

He’s the only man that I love and I will forever love.

I love Kurt Hummel.

But he will never know because I'm too much of a coward to tell him.

I will forever love Kurt, but I’m scared that that he won’t love me because of the people I’ve dated and the asshole I used to be.

So the plan for tonight was to tell him I love him and I want to have a possible future with him, but of course my dad had to give a going away college party to mess with my plans.

But for some reason I have a feeling dad is playing match maker once again.

……

Kurt’s PoV

Its 2 weeks before September and its coming to an end.

Not literally but its close enough.

The one thing I enjoyed this summer was spending close to day and night with Blaine.

We went to carnivals, concerts, performances in the park, open mic nights. We had beach days (“ _Kurt you need some sun your as pale as a ghost, you are not Casper the friendly ghost_ ”), we went to amusement parks and we went to a couples night in the park.

It was a romantic night in the park under the stars and they had a black and white film.

We were close and cuddled up, but we’re just friends.

_Just friends._

That night was the night that I was hoping he was going to tell me he loved me or I was finally going to get the balls to tell him.

But of course Mother Nature had to ruin things and a mysterious thunderstorm came from nowhere.

Blaine's dad is throwing a going away party.

Hopefully tonight is the night.

….

The night turned out real well.

The new directions and the warblers were invited with their families to the bbq.

Bryan (Blaine's dad) had a few other people over from work and so did Blaine's mom Anna.

The warblers and new directions did a few songs and did some mash up’s.

It was really nice turn-out.

Blaine and Kurt danced a lot that night. They sang a few duets and talked to family members in bunches and then talking to friends in bunches.

Blaine was having the time of his life.

_ Meanwhile  _

Finn walked over to Blaine's sister ally and nudged her shoulder. She turned around and smiled and hugged Finn.

“Hey Finn” ally said

“Nothing much, how have you been?”

“Good, college is a bit of a challenge. But I can’t complain. I heard you got accepted into a college”

“Yea, I got into OSU”

Ally started jumping up and down squealing and threw herself at Finn. Suffocating him with hugs.

Finn started laughing.

“So I guess that’s a good thing”

She pulled away and quirked her eyebrow.

“Finn you kidding me. I can’t wait for you to start. Now we can hang out a lot more. We’ll have more in common than video games and all that other stuff”

Finn smiled and hugged her back.

They pulled away from each other and kept talking until they glanced at the dance floor and saw Blaine and Kurt slow dancing like all the other couples. When they glanced at them they couldn’t help but realize how much Kurt and Blaine were holding each other.

Kurt had his arms wrapped tightly around Blaine's neck with his cheek pressed against Blaine's cheek and Blaine had his arms wrapped around Kurt's waist tightly and it looked like he was humming into his shoulder, they looked like the perfect couple.

If they were a couple.

“Don’t you feel bad for them” said Finn taking a sip of his cola and looked over to ally.

She smiled

“Yes I do feel bad for idiots. They are so damn love struck its pitiful”

They both laughed and smiled.

“I wish they would just get together already” Finn said

“I do to. But hopefully sooner or later in life they’ll realize and hopefully it’s not too late”

“Let’s not jump to the future already let’s just hope tonight might be a wakeup call”

They started laughing and kept talking no one knows that that was a beginning of a new love.

…..

Blaine and Kurt danced a lot that night they had some drinks they talked a lot and sang a lot.

Their family’s made their speeches.

Kurt's dad embarrassed the hell out of him and so did Blaine's mom.

Ally and Finn thoroughly embarrassed our boys.

Carole and Bryan thought it was hilarious to imitate there performance of pinks “Perfect” which left both boys speechless and ridiculously and then it was time for their speeches.

Blaine went first.

Him and Kurt stood side by side.

“First of all congrats class of 2012, it took us long enough”

That got some whoops, cheers and finger whistles.

“And thank god were finished with the weekly assignments in glee club (ND kids started laughing) but we still love you love Mr. Schue. I guess this is where it ends and starts. I have to say that I will miss all of you even Santana”

“Oh shut it hobbit, you know you love you some auntie snix” Santana said with a genuine smile.

“Yea, yea, yea, but on a serious note, were all going to be all over the world. I'm glad to call you guy’s family. We’ve been through a lot and I just want to thank everyone for keeping it together through all the cat fights, fighting for solos and then Rachel stealing them all”

Everyone starts to laugh

“I just want to say thank you and I love you and I hope in years coming we can come back and talk about old times and keep being like family.”

Then it was Kurt's turn.

“Well since Blaine made it very clear Mr. Schue is horrible at picking songs and Rachel steals all the solo’s there’s nothing much else to say.”

People laughed a little

“But honestly no matter how much we seem like we hate each other, I know at the end we can’t live without each other being a pain in the neck. I just wanted to let you all know that I love you all deeply and good luck to whatever happens to us in the next couple of years.”

After that the party continued. Once it started getting late everybody started to disperse Blaine had something to show Kurt, well rather give him.

“Kurt I need to show you something upstairs”

Santana walked passed

“Wanky”

“Quit it Satan” Kurt hissed

Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and they ran upstairs.

When they got Blaine's room shut the door.

“Okay close your eyes” Blaine said

Kurt looked at him suspiciously

“Aww come on”

Kurt smiled and closed his eyes.

Blaine ran to his dresser when he placed Kurt at the foot of his bed. He pulled out the velvet shade box

“Okay you can open now”

 Kurt opened his eyes and they went wide. He took the box from Blaine and opened it. There was a bracelet with engraving and a locket with a silver chained attached.

“Blaine what is this?” Kurt asked curiously

“I thought it was only fair that I buy you something that matter. The bracelet is to match mine just different saying and the locket has one of the pictures we took in that photo booth when we just became friends. I just wanted to let you know that you’ll always have a place in my heart no matter how much we might not see each other in the future or the times I forget to Skype. I will always be here for you”

Kurt was tearing up.

“Aww Blaine”

Kurt hugged him tight and then pulled away smiling

“Do you mind doing the honors?”

Kurt pulled the bracelet and the necklace out and held it out to Blaine.

Blaine smiled

“Not at all”

He put the bracelet on him and then clamped the necklace around his neck.

Blaine stood up and turned on his iPod dock to a slow song and turned to Kurt.

“Do you mind having this last dance with me” Blaine smiled

Kurt blushed and fluttered his eye lashes, earning a laugh out of both gents

“Well of course”

They danced slowly to slow songs for a while in quiet and taking each other’s smells and embrace and then Blaine spoke up.

“Kurt”

“Hmm”

“I love you and I will forever love you”

Kurt snapped his eyes opened and pulled back some and smiled.

“I love you too”

And then he gently leaned in and placed his lips with Blaine’s waiting ones.

Saying the kiss was out of this world is an understatement. It was long overdue and it was what they really wanted and now they have it and never will forget it.

They continued to dance.

They dance the night away.

Both thought what a better way to end it.

They fell asleep that night together.

In their pajamas on Blaine's enormous bed.

Blaine's arms wrapped around Kurt's waist.

Kurt's fingers intertwined with Blaine's.

Blaine's lips rested on the back of Kurt's neck.

One point in the night Blaine's glanced up and smiled.

He saw a peaceful sleeping Kurt.

He kissed his clothed shoulder and the back of his neck and snuggled closed.

Kurt tugged on his arms a little tighter.

Kurt said “I love you” in his sleep And Blaine said it back and kissed the back of his neck again.

…..

The next day they had to say there goodbye’s at the airport.

When they were passed security and on their way to their terminals.

“So I guess this is how losing your first love feels like” Blaine said

Kurt smiled turned and hugged Blaine.

Blaine closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist.

“Blaine you are such an ass and I will miss you too”

Kurt pulled back and looked Blaine in the eyes and then down to his lips.

Kurt leaned in and kissed him.

This time didn’t have the shock but still had the stars and fireworks.

They pulled back and peck a few more times.

On the loud speaker Blaine's flight was ready to board.

Kurt spoke.

“I love you Blaine and that I will never stop doing”

“I love you too”

Kurt walked Blaine to his since he still had 20 minutes to wait for this flight to board.

They gave one final hug.

When Blaine gave the lady his ticket Kurt called out

“Blaine”

Blaine turned around with tears in his eyes

“Yeah Kurt”

“Your first love will be in New York and he’ll wait until you’re finished with Chicago if that’s the case”

Blaine smiled

“I might have to take him up on that offer” said Blaine

“I would hope so” said Kurt

Kurt walked over to the window once Blaine disappeared down the hall.

Kurt watched the plane move towards the runway.

Instant tears started to flow down his face.

He wasn’t sad that he was losing Blaine.

He was happy that he found true love and his true love found him.

He was happy that they were following their dreams and eventually they would hopefully become successful.

It just sucked that they would have to do it alone.

They won’t be able to see the little things.

Won’t be able to be there physically when they need hugs or kisses.

They won’t be there physically, but they would always be there in spirit.

They will have that love in their hearts and it will never vanish.

.....

That day changed everything and not all good.

Til this day those two days are never mentioned.


	3. My Life Pt. 1

_Forgive me first love, but I'm tired._

_I need to get away to feel again_

_Try to understand why._

_……._

_ Present Time 2023 _

  
So to start from the beginning. My name is Kurt Hummel.   
  
I moved to NYC the summer after I graduated high school to pursue a career in Broadway and acting. But when I got here it seemed a lot more difficult than what I expected. So after 2 years of not getting scouted I decided to change my career. I decided to get into journalism and fashion.  
  
I Graduated from FIT top of my class.

I have to say my Val Victorian speech was superb.  
  
My family and close friends came. But there was one person who was missing.  
  
Blaine.  
  
I fell in love with Blaine Anderson the day I met him.  
  
And it’s been hell ever since.  
  
Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against Blaine, but he's gone down a road that….I never thought he would resort to.  
  
Drugs.  
Alcohol.   
Fighting.   
  
I know Blaine is an adult now and he has a right to make his own choices.

It’s the choices he's made that I don’t agree with.

  
He was always the one who wanted to be a role model. Someone for kids LIKE us to look up to and he’s doing the exact opposite.  
  
I don’t know what’s happened to the Blaine that I used to know.  
  
We were real close. My dad considered him an extended son just like his dad thinks the same for me.  
  
It was heart breaking when we got into separate colleges. We promised to keep in touch, see each other on vacations, Skype when we can and just stay connected.  
  
But when he graduated in his two years to my four years things changed and they didn’t change for the good.  
  
Blaine got a record deal. He was on his way. He worked hard for it. He deserved it.

He had gone on tours, album signings, special appearances and a lot of live shows.  
  
I was proud of him. We still stayed in contact more or so then when he was in college.  
  
My family, his family and friends were proud of him.

Especially me.

When he was in town we hung out. We went on dates. We did things couples did. But it was always heart breaking when he would have to leave.

We Skyped, texted, emailed and talked on the phone constantly.

He was everywhere and doing so well and I couldn’t have been more in love and proud of him.  
  
When his sophomore album came out that’s when everything went downhill for him.  
  
He was introduced to drugs due his publicist.  
  
He was arrested twice for drunk driving over the limits.  
  
He was caught with countless female and male prostitutes.  
  
He had an eyebrow and top ear piercing.  
  
He's been gone downhill in the past years.  
  
It’s been 6 years.  
  
I worry about him because I care but more so because I love him no matter what.  
  
I just wish there was a way I could have had a heart to heart with him without me losing my well-being.  
  
We fell out the last time he was in Lima.  
  
He came to Lima for the holidays in 2017.  
  
But he was drunk, high and completely out of his damn mind.  
  
I’ve never seen his parents so disappointed in him.   
  
Even my parents showed some disgust towards him.  
  
Me and his sister ally tried to talk some since into him and sober him up.  
  
But that didn’t do anything.  
  
He went into this agitated state and his target was me.  
  
ME.  
  
Of all people ME.  
  
He said some hurtful words that night and that’s why til this day I haven’t said a word to him or won’t even go to events that he's invited to that I know he might go to.  
  
I haven’t been to Lima since.  
  
Every year I promise my parents that i'll come home for the holidays but it holds to many bad memories for me.  
  
4 years ago I heard Blaine went to rehab and he’s been on the straight and narrow ever since.  
  
But I couldn’t give a flying monkeys ass.  
  
I wish him the best of luck but I’m through with him.  
........  
  
In the last five years I have done quite well for myself.  
  
I’m a fashion consultant.  
  
I’ve worked with top notch stars like: Ellen DeGeneres, Adam lambert and Rebel Wilson and as a sideline gig I work for a bridal magazine also as a consultant.  
  
I have a new bridal shop opening called "Hummel's Bride's".  
  
My life has been grand.  
  
I’ve hit some rough patches in my time.  
  
After a while I had to come to terms that Blaine Anderson was never going to love me.  
  
So I went on with life.  
  
I’ve dated.  
I’ve been engaged.  
Lied to.  
Cheated on.  
Used as an experiment of choosing sexuality.  
  
I wouldn’t say I have a good track record.  
  
But I guess I’m just used to guys treating me like shit and not noticing or not giving a fuck.  
  
And now I’m looking into adoption.  
  
Hey, so what if I don’t have a husband and I’m attempting to be a single parent.  
  
I rather be single and happy then takened and miserable.  
  
I have to be honest, it does get lonely sometimes more than often but what is a single gay man to do.  
  
I can’t keep sitting on my high horse and wait for prince charming to come and save me on his white horse.  
  
Shit like that does not exist.  
  
All my closest friends have kids.  
  
Yes I am a proud uncle of 6 niece's and 4 nephews and I send them custom made Kurt Hummel pieces every chance I get.  
  
After a while I started feeling bad for myself.  
  
Every chance I got told myself that I couldn’t have this, or I couldn’t have that, tell myself I don’t deserve the things that I’ve worked hard for or maybe I was put on this world to give someone else happiness and for me not to receive.  
  
After a while I got used to being alone and unhappy.  
  
Then one night I got a call from my dad.  
  
He called telling me to cheer up there’s always someone for you, you just have to be patient and don’t let your fear in dating or trusting another guy get in the way of you being happy. He called because my last piece in the bridal magazine about being left at the alter and being dumped a month before a wedding you been planning for 2 years. I have to say I ranted but at one point it felt good to let go.  
  
Funny things is that’s one of my best pieces I’ve wrote for that magazine.  
  
I had received way more feedback then what was expected.  
  
My boss and manager told me I should write a book.  
  
 _Maybe I will…._.  
  
But my father was right. I’m getting in the way of my own fears and I don’t know how or when it started.  
  
I used to be so confident in myself and as the years gone by I feel deflated.  
  
That’s when I decided to do adoption.  
  
Sooner or later ill finally have two of my dreams: my career and my family.  
  
That’s all should matter.

…..

So its 2 weeks to 4th of July and I'm close to close to my boutique opening and my adoption process is going so well.

I was on my way home from work and I got a call from ally.

Now to be honest I sort of Knew why she was calling. Dad did the same thing every year.

They would call two weeks ahead of time and ask me to come home for the 4th, but with ally calling I knew that this wasn’t going to go over well.

Ally has a way with words.

In other words; she threatens you or bribes you into doing what she wants.

And it works every time.

So I give in and pick up the phone.

“Hey sis” Kurt says sweetly

“Don’t hey sis me Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I hope your ass is coming home for the 4th.” Ally hollered at him

“Ally you know the deal. I don’t really have the time to fly out.” Kurt tried to play it off

“That is such bull Kurt. The reason you haven’t come home in years is because my asshole of a brother. Kurt you have to come?”

Just her bringing up her _brother_ makes my blood boil.

“And why is that my dearest ally?”

“There’s a big family announcement that me a Finn need to make and you have to be there”

“Why can’t you just Skype me or call me about it.”

“You know Kurt; you’re really being selfish here. For the simple fact that you haven’t been home in seven years, we call and invite you home and you never think twice before shooting us down. For you to have been the big man on the idea of family you sure know how to show It.” ally finally finished talking

Kurt was speechless and he didn’t know what to say.

I didn’t know she or any of them felt this strong of the fact that he wasn’t there physically.

“You know Kurt, I know that you don’t want to be here because it holds too much for you and holds a lot of bad memories, but you can’t be mad at him forever and you can’t keep blaming him for everything. Either you believe me or not he hasn’t been home because of you either. He stayed away from Ohio for you, so you didn’t have to see him or hear about him. Behind all of the dope and alcohol he still loved you the most and thought about you first. Yes he may have lost everything but he chooses that so you could have your happiness. Look if you don’t want to come, stay in New York alone and unhappy family-less. At the end of the day you’re going to miss out on a lot and when you finally get your head out your ass it’s going to be o late.”

Kurt once again was speechless.

And hurt.

Then ally spoke up

“And by the way we were going to tell you that me and Finn are getting married and are expecting. I hope eventually you’ll change your mine and come around or you’re going to miss out. Bye Kurt”

And with that she hung up.

I'm sad.

I'm pissed.

I feel like crying.

But I feel like I’ve betrayed my family.

I visit my friends around the world more than I’ve visited them.

I can’t believe that ally and Finn are getting married and having a baby.

I'm so excited, but ally hit a nerve.

She was right.

I'm never around and I had made no intentions on making plans on going to Ohio.

But what also kind of bothered me was what she brought up about Blaine.

Why am I always he last one to find this things or catch on later.

I knew Blaine hasn’t been home just as long I have but I never thought it would be because of me. I figured he just stayed away because he wanted to get his shit together and get better. But my last guess would have been because of me.

I know what I said earlier about him.

But at the end of the day, the reason why I can’t keep or get a guy that I like is because of….

Blaine.

I love him and I will forever love him.

I just can’t keep setting myself up for disaster. All the men I have dated had something of Blaine's and it pains me because I still love him and I can’t love him.

I will love to be with him, but happens if he relapses, if he goes into a depression and goes back to alcohol. I don’t think I would be able to do it. I wouldn't know what to do or how to take care of him.

I love Blaine Anderson and its killing me softly.

…..

A week later I texted ally.

**To Ally:**

_I'm sorry for last week. I love you guys and I'm sorry for missing out on a lot. I will be there 3 days ahead of time to help setup._

_Kurt waited for ally to respond._

**To Kurt:**

_Thank you_

….

With that Kurt started to get everything ready and pick out what things he was bringing with him to Ohio.

He had to prepare himself for this trip.


	4. My Life Pt. 2

_Don’t get so close to change my mind_

_………_

Blaine PoV

 

To properly introduce myself my name is Blaine Anderson.

I’m the complete fuck up who messed up everything in his path.

I fucked up.

I lost everything I ever wanted.

I let the fame Get to me and ruin my sensibility.

My family hates me.

My friends hate me.

But Most of all....

Kurt hates me.

......

I ruined everything that first night I stuck that needle in my arm.

Funny part about it.

I hated needles until then.

And now it’s ruined my life

.......

I had everything I could have ever wanted.

I graduated college with a 3.8 GPA

I got my masters in music management and a minor in musical theatre.

As soon as I graduated and sent out a few demos, I snagged a record deal with V.A records.

Best experience of my life.

They had very little creative control, I was able to write my own music, I was able to do a lot of free concerts, some shows and starred in a Broadway play and did a couple of movies but small roles.

I was on top of the world.

My singles and albums went gold and platinum.

There was nothing missing.

I had family.

Friends,

And especially Kurt.

In a matter of no time I fucked all of that up.

.....

I was starting on my sophomore album and I had a lot more pressure this go around then before.

My label had given me so much more grief with the material this time around.

They didn’t like anything I tried to bring to the table and because “it isn’t makeable.”

I love making love songs and flirty duets.

But nobody at the company liked it. So they gave me a month to come up with some new material.

It was about two weeks later when I had this gut wrenching feeling.

So I decided to call up Kurt to see how he was doing because I was thinking about coming up to New York while I had the time.

But it’s when he picked up the phone is when I realized that promises are always meant to be broken.

A guy picked up the phone and I asked who he was, he introduced himself as Phil Kurt's boyfriend.

I hung up the phone and it felt like I died.

How could he lie to me?

The only thing I ask from is honesty.

I should have known better.

Look at Kurt.

He’s what every guy wants.

And now another guy will have him because I was too much of a coward to make moves.

From that day on I stopped trusting a lot of people.

I focused on music and finding the next fix.

My sophomore did way better than my first.

I sold out overseas, went multi-platinum, starred in some shows and had sold out concerts.

I was living the life.

Drugs.

Money.

Fame.

Hook-ups, from here and there.

The tears.

The heartache.

Constantly reminding myself that I'm never going to be happy and that I'm going to be alone forever.

I loved being carefree around those times.

But after a while it was getting tiresome.

Then that summer I went to the annual July 4th BBQ and I made a complete ass out of myself.

I came there wasted and on cloud nine.

I said some harmful things to Kurt and possibly to my family.

To be honest I was to gone to remember what I said.

When I got a call from Finn yelling and cursing me out about what Kurt had told him I said.

A month later I checked myself into rehab after almost hitting a mother walking across the street with her son.

That was it for me.

That is the one thing to this day that scares the shit out of me.

The look on their faces sobered me up and that was it.

That’s when I knew that was the final draw.

After 5 months in rehab I have to say I was honestly and truly proud of myself.

Might as well nobody didn’t really care for me after.

Finn had contacted me a week after I got released and we built our friendship back up to what it was.

Then when I moved to Italy for a while I was shocked to run into the devil herself Santana.

She was living there starting a new beginning also.

She had officially broken it off with Brittany. She loved Brittany, but she knew Brittany didn’t love her like she used to.

We talked and found out that we were having the same struggles.

We’ve been friends ever since then and practically inseparable.

We both decided to move Pennsylvania and start over.

That’s exactly what we did.

We became gay bar owners.

After all the money I had saved up and the fan base I still had, why the hell not.

So we bought a decent space and when we opened the bar we were packed to the max.

I performed most nights as entertainment which helped with my stress and it bought a lot of people.

After a few months we had a steady flow. Weekends were our biggest paid days and with occasional famous people coming and putting on shows did well for us.

Then Santana talked about opening up in New York of all places.

I was all for it. Until I thought about Kurt.

But then again I had to realize that I wasn’t there for him anymore. I'm here for me and I'm going there to make our franchise bigger and better.

I'm here for me.

So within a year had opened a new bar.

The one in Pennsylvania still was bringing in a lot of money and the one in Soho was bringing in even more.

And I was ecstatic.

We were both single, but we were happy.

I’ve been clean for almost 5 YEARS.

And I'm very proud.

After opening the clubs, a Broadway producer contacted me and asked if I wanted to do apart and I said why the hell not.

So now I'm focused on Broadway and the clubs.

I feel like I'm on my way back.

And I'm not going to let no one stop me this time.

Only thing I need is my sanity and the little friends I have left.

……..

So about a week to the 4th of July and I get a text from Finn and he asks me to call him when I get a chance.

So later that night I call Finn.

“Hello” Finn answers

“Hey Finn what’s up?”

“Oh I was just wondering if you were coming down next week.”

“Ummm….”

“Come on dude you promised me you were coming this year because you’re visiting someone” Finn protested

“Finn you know I would have no doubt in going if your family and friends didn’t hate my guts.”

“Well what about your parents, aren’t you visiting them too?” Finn questioned.

“Nope. I spoke with mom two weeks ago, I told her I was going to be down there to see someone and she asked me if I was coming home and I told her simply no. every time I'm in lima I get these bad feelings and it brings up to many old memory’s.”

Finn sighed.

“So you don’t want to congratulate your sister on being pregnant and being engaged.”

“Wait what you said.”

Finn laughed

“I finally got the money to get her the ring and now were expecting.”

Blaine smiled

“Dude that’s awesome. I can’t believe you finally scored”

They both laughed.

“You know she misses you right?”

Blaine sighs

“I highly doubt that. Not after what happened?”

“Dude that was years ago. And she does miss you. Just yesterday she said that she wish she could see you.”

Blaine stood outside on his opened terrace.

He thought for a while.

_It would be nice to see everyone, even if they hated me._

_Ugh I can’t believe I'm doing this._

“You know what Finn; I’ll come through for a few minutes to see how everyone is and then ill head back to my friend’s house.”

“Great thanks a lot dude. You don’t know how much this is going to mean to her.”

Blaine smiled.

“You’re not going to tell her are you?”

Blaine laughed some.

“Nope”

Finn laughed

“She is so going to kick your ass; you know that, baby and all”

Finn laughed

“It will be worth it.”

“I sure hope so.”

“Alright I’ll see you next week bro, right”

“Yeap I’ll be there, see you then and give ally a kiss for me.”

Finn smiled, because every time they would talk he would always tell him to do that. Finn knows that ally and Blaine have rough patches but they always love each other.

“Alright bro, later”

….

_Two hours later_

I'm not worried about going down there because I know what business I have to handle, but seeing my family and ex friends, is a little overwhelming.

Everybody remembers dapper Blaine.

That’s not who I am no more.

I'm experienced and older Blaine.

I just hope nothing bad happens.

Wait Finn didn’t say if Kurt was going to be there.

Shit!

I am officially screwed.


	5. Oh...Okay

_“Please wipe that look out of your eyes”_

_….._

Kurt PoV

I can’t believe I let that damn woman talk me into coming home.

I honestly have no problem going home, really I don’t.

But I know that there up to something.

There is no reason all of a sudden they really need me to come home.

Besides their engagement and the baby on the way, I really don’t need to be there.

Yes I know how selfish I sound, but I really DO NOT want to be there.

I don’t feel like I belong anymore and that’s my fault because I stopped coming around and practically disowned my family and didn’t even know I was doing it.

There is no reason why I stopped coming, I just stopped for stupid and careless reasons.

I love being around my family, but after a while my dad can be too persistent when wanting to know if I'm dating anyone or am I dating at all.

I get it. After all my failed relationships I don’t have the best track record.

But damn, people make it seem that I'm lonely and I'm becoming a bitter old gay man.

I just want to be myself before I even think of dating anyone and putting my issues on them.

I just NEED to be emotionally ready before I think of dating.

…..

Blaine PoV

I have to be honest I'm shitting myself.

And it’s not because I'm going to the party, but because I'm going to be able to take my son home.

Yes I know hearing that I have a son is random.

It was one of those drunken nights I had partially relapsed.

He’s 6 years old and his name is Raymond.

He has my ridiculous curly hair, my honey eyes, her nose and our tan skin.

He’s more Italian then Philippian.

I have a  
feeling he’s going to be a midget like me, but I love him anyways.

His mother moved to Westerville when she became ill.

Me and April where friends when I was living in Italy and that’s how the drunken night happened.

She came back to Westerville because she had been diagnosed with lung cancer.

When she told me I was the father of her child we took paternity tests just to make sure.

When it came back that I was his dad, I told her if anything happens to her I want to take him and care for him.

So the spare room in my place turned into Rae’s room and I flew back and forward to Westerville to help take care of him and at times she asked me to take him for a week or two.

She died a month ago.

I paid for the funeral arrangements and her finances.

Her parents wanted some time with Rae before I had full custody and I had no problem with that.

So, me going back to Ohio is not the issue.

It’s going to Lima.

Don’t get me wrong I'm all for seeing my family.

But when was the last time they tempted to call, make a visit, Skype or even a damn text.

It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve spoken to my family themselves.

I don’t give a fuck about family right now.

That weren’t there for me when I needed them the most and I damn sure don’t need them now.

I’ve been a junky, an alcoholic and had sex with tons of people.

But were they there to stop me or check me into a rehab.

No they didn’t.

So I was on my own then and I'm going to stay on my own now.

Nobody cares for Blaine and I’ve learned that a while ago.

I don’t think I'm going to the cookout because I don’t think I would be able to behave myself if somebody said something to me in the wrong way.

But I will be in Westerville with Rae and his grandparents enjoying his last days with them.

And there’s nothing else to it.

………

Kurt arrived in Ohio at noon and Blaine arrived around 2pm.

Kurt met ally at the airport.

They hugged for a long time.

When they got to the car they caught up on a lot.

They talked about work, New York, Ohio, the family and of course Kurt's dating situation.

When they arrived to the Hummel’s house, Kurt was hesitant before even getting out of the car.

It had been awhile since he’s seen the front of the house and he’s shitting himself.

Ally drags him to the door and then inside.

When he gets inside Carole practically knocks him down and crushing him into a big bear hug.

Finn gives him a brotherly hug, but somewhat distant and everybody kind of knows it, but doesn’t say anything.

Burt and Kurt give each other teary hugs.

They sat in the kitchen and talked about a lot of things.

Once again Finn wasn’t that invested into the conversation because he honestly didn’t care.

He’s happy for his brother, but he didn’t care.

They all started took stuff and get things ready for the party.

Kurt was glancing at Finn once in a while. He realized that Finn was in another world and not even paying him or anyone else.

Kurt was hurt, but he knew there was more to it.

He would ask later.

……

Blaine was bombarded with hugs from Rae and his grandparents.

Rae hung on to his neck like there was no tomorrow.

They walked to the baggage claim.

They talked about everything.

When they got to the grandparents’ house, they dropped Blaine’s things off and headed out to a late lunch.

They went to Breadstick’s.

When they got there and they sat down, Blaine started to remember all the times he used to have there and the ex-friends he used to hang out there with.

Most of all he remember Kurt.

He was a little bit emotional, but he had to stick it out for his son.

When he was in the airport he remembered the time him and Kurt was on their way into the world of becoming men and living there dreams.

If he would have known back then this was going to happen, the way it happened he wouldn't have expressed himself and made himself feel so desperate and so put out there.

He felt like he put everything out there and with Kurt getting a boyfriend was a bitch slap to the face because he thought they were on the same page.

Rae looked up at his papa and knew that something was wrong.

He called his father’s name and brought him back from his conscious.

Rae knew that his papa wasn’t always happy, but he couldn’t help but feel it might be because he came back Ohio.

…..

Finn went upstairs to call Blaine to see if he was still coming to the cookout.

Finn dialed Blaine's number and waited for him to pick up

“Hello”

“Hey bro how’s everything? Did you get to Ohio Fine?”

“Yea, I just had a late lunch with some close friends and some people who are thinking about endorsing some things for the clubs. So what's up?”

“I was wondering if you were still feeling up to coming tonight”

Blaine hesitated. He really wants to go, but he’s not too sure.

He wants to go because it would be nice to see people that he used to know even if they don’t want to see him or can’t stand his guts

And then

He doesn’t want to be somewhere he’s not going to feel comfortable and not wanted.

He can see it now, everybody whispering and talking shit instead of being adults and say it to him personally.

“I don’t know Finn. Do you really think they would want me there?”

Finn sighed.

“Blaine you have to show face some time. And plus mom was looking forward to seeing you. She hasn’t spoken to you in 2 months, which she says is well over due. You have to come if you don’t do it for anyone else do it for you and ally. You guys have serious making up to do and you both with be facing your fears”

Blaine smiled some

“Alright Finn. But if anything and I mean anything I need you to be there to support me and be there for me alright!”

Finn smiled

“Alright bro, what time you coming?”

“About 7:30 or 8”

“Great I’ll be waiting. Text me when you get here”

“Alright, later”

“Later”

….

No one knew that Kurt was on the other side of the door listening.

He was going to come up and talk to Finn.

But apparently Finn was handling other things.

Kurt felt betrayed, but he also was glad that at least somebody form the old glee club kept in contact with him.

But he will get too the end of things one way or another.


	6. Family BBQ

_“It’s bribing me to doubt myself;”_

....

Family BBQ

Kurt has been on edge since he heard Finn on the phone with the junkie and he can’t help but be pissed because he feels like he’s being betrayed by his own brother but then again he’s happy somebody has been there for him.

But he has to talk to Finn soon because he wants to make sure his loyalty is still to him.

Then Kurt thinks about why Finn shouldn’t be loyal to him.

How many times has he ever had been on his side fully?

How many times did he console him with the Rachel mess?

How many times has he just called him out of the blue?

When was the last time they even spoke just to speak?

When was the last time they acted like brothers?

And now that he thinks about it, Finn wasn’t the one who begged him or brined him to come home, it was ally.

Maybe ally has some hope for them to get back to what they used to be.

But what use would it be, when Kurt can’t let his own jealousy and stupid out of the way.

….

Does Finn feel bad that he’s going behind everyone’s back by inviting Blaine, sure he does.

Bu does he give a fuck.

Hell no.

He wants his best friend there and he doesn’t care.

He knows that Carole won’t mind seeing him.

Considering they Skype a lot.

Will Burt be upset maybe? But I bet he wouldn't mind to know that Blaine is a change man.

Will ally give the reaction that he’s looking for?

He’s hoping so; he wants them to be brother and sister again.

Not arch enemies like it has been the last couple of years.

He just wants everybody to be ok with him at least, but he can see Kurt is going to make that impossible.

….

Carole is ecstatic to see Blaine she just doesn’t know how Burt and Blaine's parents are going to react.

Yes Bryan (Blaine's dad) and Anna (Blaine's mom) should be proud but what happens if they don’t even give him any type of attention.

Carole knows that it’s going to be the toughest for Kurt because he completely shut Blaine out.

She’s glad that they have kept in contact. She doesn’t see how Blaine's family has done for so long.

But she knows this is going to be more than just stopping by the party.

She’ll just sit back and watch until she is needed.

….

It’s 5 o’clock when everyone starts to arrive.

Mike and Tina arrive first with two kids.

Artie comes in with his wife Trish wobbling behind because she’s 6 months pregnant.

Mercedes and Sam come in running behind their daughter.

Puck and Lauren come in fussing about who knows what, with Lauren holding Beth’s hand.

Jake and Marley come in behind them and are laughing at Puck and Lauren.

About an hour or so later Quinn and Joe come in.

Everybody was there having a good time.

Everybody was talking about everything and anything.

Unique called and said that she wasn’t able to make it due to her missing her flight that afternoon and Brittany wasn’t able to make it because she was still on tour and Santana just simply didn’t want to go.

Nobody brought up Rachel because everybody knows why she wasn’t there.

Everything was going really well.

The kids running around like chickens with their heads cut off because they were doped up with so much sugar and blowing the 4th of July horns Carole purchased.

Around 7:30 the kids decide they want to do a little talent show and then everybody decides let’s do some karaoke.

So everybody is around dancing and laughing and having a good time.

….

Meanwhile Blaine is in his car with Rae in the back starring out the window.

Blaine is excited, nervous and terrified because he doesn’t know what is going to happen.

He finally gets to the Hummel-Hudson household.

He texts Finn to let him know that he’s here.

He gets out of the care and walks around and helps Rae out of his car seat.

Rae gets out of the car and asks Blaine to pick him up.

He rests his head on Blaine's shoulder.

Blaine heads up the walk way and waits for the door to open.

Few minutes later Carole and Finn are smiling and giving him bone crushing hugs.

They almost forgot Rae was there until he yelped.

They laughed a little.

Rae looked over to Carole and then Finn and smiled.

He remembers their faces from pictures.

Then Blaine spoke

“Rae this is your uncle Finn and this your grandma Carole”

Carole smiled and spoke to Rae.

“Hi sweetie. Are you hungry do you want to come out back with me and get something to eat?”

Rae looked at Blaine and Blaine smiled and nodded.

Rae then smiled and looked back at Carole

“Yes please.”

Blaine set him down and he grabbed Carole’s hand

Then Blaine and Finn walked in behind them and into the kitchen.

Finn hugged him again and they stood there like that for a while. They didn’t know they had started crying until they started sniffling.

They pulled from each other and started laughing.

Finn spoke first.

“I am so pissed with you right now”

Blaine laughed

“Wah, what did I do already?” Blaine smiled

“How are you going to just come up here with your son and never told me you even had one” Finn smiled

“To be honest I wanted to tell you as soon as he was born but I didn’t think that was the right time. With the rehab and all. And then I kept trying to figure a good time to tell you.”

Finn looked at him and smiled. He walked over and stood by Blaine and put his arm on his shoulder.

“Blaine I know that you feel like you don’t matter or you’re not worth it. But you are. How many times have I said that I’ll be there for you? How many times have I said that you’re my brother and we have to stick together? I love you the way you are and so does mom. You know she considers you a third son anyhow. You have to learn to be comfortable around us again. So nobody is holding anything against you.”

Blaine wipes his eyes again and snickers.

“Your right. So anyway how’s everything and everybody?”

Finn huffs out a laugh

“Well your mom and dad are hear and they seem to have worked out the issues between them”

Blaine nods and says ‘good’

“Dad and mom are doing well as always. Dad has been dealing with some big issues in D.C. but health wise for him he’s good”

“That’s great”

“And your sister has been driving me crazy for her to only to be 5 months her cravings are horrible. I knew I was garbage disposal in high school but she has nothing on me. I mean her combinations are horrible”

Blaine laughs

“Hey you said you were never going to complain and plus this is your child I'm carrying and you wonder why I'm eating incorrigible things.”

They turn around.

Blaine sees a mature, glowing and pregnant Ally.

Blaine smiles when he sees his sister smiling at him and she’s wobbling over to him.

She walks up to him and puts her hands on his hand and then pulls him into a bone crushing hug.

Maybe Finn’s plan was beginning to work.

When she pulled away from him with watery eyes and then slaps his chest

“Blaine Devon Anderson have you lost your damn mind? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming and when was I going to get the memo that I have a nephew. You know for me to be your older sister you sure leave out a lot of details with you and Finn’s phone calls”

Blaine smiles and hugs her again

And then Finn pipe up.

“Wait you listened to our phone calls. How dare you? I feel betrayed” Finn says teasingly

Ally eyes him and laughs

“Finn you can’t hide anything from me. You are the worst at hiding secrets.” Ally and Blaine laughs

Blaine pulls back and looks at ally

“Geez sissy the older you get the more noisy you are and still short as ever. God I miss your craziness”

And they all start laughing.

Then Rae runs back into the kitchen with cupcake icing all around his lips.

Blaine whips out his phone and takes a picture of Rae.

“Papa papa, Grandma Carole gave me a cupcake and it taste so gooooood” Rae says jumping up and down.

Blaine lifts Rae up and wipes some of the icing off his face and tastes it.

“Yep you taste like her banana strawberry cupcakes. I have some people introduce you too.”

Blaine turned Rae around to face Finn and ally.

“This is your auntie Ally she’s my older sister and like I said before this you Uncle Finn. He’s your godfather”

Rae looked at them both and smiled and said hi.

Ally move up to Rae and reached her arms out to take him and he went willingly.

“OH MY GOD Blaine, he looks just like you. Curly hair, tan skin and triangle eyebrows”

Rae laughs because ally touches his eyebrows

“Hey its dads fault that I we have them” they all laugh.

They talk a little more and then ally starts to pull him to the backyard.

He holds his breathe and then steps outside and then it’s almost like everything stops.

….

“Holy shit is that the infamous Blaine warbler.” Nick says

“OMG” Tina shrieks

The New Directions and The Warblers turn around to see Blaine standing by ally with her holding Rae.

Blaine would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared as shit when everybody glanced at him.

Tina, Mike, Sam, Jeff and Nick walked over to him immediately and gave him a bear group hug.

He hugged Tina first and then went down the line from there.

Tina and Sam immediately pulled him into a conversation about what's he’s been up to in the last couple of years.

Eventually the rest of the warblers came over and made conversation too.

He didn’t show that the only other person who came over from the New Directions who came and said something to him was Artie who introduced his wife and Marley and Jake would he had built friendships with his senior year.

He knew that there was no chance in him talking to the others for the simple fact that was Kurt's best friends. So he didn’t even bother crossing boundaries.

So he went to another table and sat with his true friends and they talked for what seemed like hours when it was only and half hour.

Blaine had finally felt like he was back into the loop. He was glad that he finally got his friends back and then some.

But the hardest part for him was soon to come for him.

....

Blaine's parents walked in an hour and a half later than him.

The ground could have swallowed him whole and he literally would have thought that would be way better then facing his mother and father.

His parents didn’t recognize him at first.

His parents walked over to where Ally, Carole, Burt and Kurt.

What gave him away was the fact that now Finn was holding Rae.

Who is a splitting image of Blaine and basically was a clean give away.

He could tell that Finn was introducing Rae to Bryan and Anna.

Then next minute his parents were looking for him.

Then his mother caught his eye and he turned his head away from them.

All of a sudden he felt pissed and angry.

He didn’t know why. It’s just all of a sudden he felt upset and pissed.

He noticed his father was on his way towards him; he got up and walked back towards the kitchen, then the front door and to his car.

He stood by his car knowing that if his dad had something to say he would follow him.

And like clockwork. Here came his dad, his mom, Carole and Burt for that matter.

What pissed him off is that Burt was there.

He was in there for almost three hours and neither he nor Kurt came to say anything to him.

He didn’t expect them to talk but they didn’t even glance his way.

Not once.

His father walked up to where he was standing by the hood.

And stood there in front of him.

He didn’t say a word just looked at him.

Just staring.

He looked up when he heard his mother sniffle.

He thought what a load of crap.

But he wouldn't say that to their faces.

After all he is sort of somewhat the reason why they haven’t been on talking terms for years.

Bryan speaks first.

“Son.”

“Sir.”

Bryan sighed and stood by Burt and then Anna walks up and lays her hand gently on Blaine's cheek, like she used to do when he was younger and went to her for his guidance.

Blaine looked at his mom.

And then he smiled her somewhat.

He knew that she could see right through him.

She pulled him in and smothered him in a big bear hug.

They both laughed a little.

Then she pulled away and looked in his eyes really good.

She saw pain, hurt, heartbreak and loneliness, but she also could see that he was becoming a man.

Taking responsibility.

Being a great dad to Rae.

But she was also hurt that she missed out on his becoming the man he is today.

And she refused to miss more.

She smiled and then spoke.

“So how is my little bumble bee doing”

They both laughed

“Mama why do you always have to bring up that name. You some many others and that’s the one you choose”

They both start to laugh.

“Yes because you will always be my bee. So what's this I hear you have son. When was I going to get the memo on being a grandma?”

He laughed and hugged her again

“Aww my little bumble bee. What am I going to do with you?” she whispered in his ear.

He laughed

“First you can forgive me and love me and Rae unconditionally no matter how much I screwed up this family.” He whispered back.

She pulled back and rested her hands on both side of his face.

“You hear me loud and clear Blaine Anderson, I will always love, I have always loved you and forever will. Don’t you dare think I won’t. I don’t care what happened in the past. All I care about is the future. I'm not losing you again. It was too long the first time. I let you go and fix yourself up and regroom yourself. But I'm back and here to stay. So let’s go back inside and have a good time.”

Anna took Blaine and Ally’s hand and walked back into the backyard.

They had a blast that night.

Rae finally met his distant family.

His aunts and uncles.

Grandparents.

And cousins.

Eventually everybody warmed back up to Blaine that night.

They ate barbeque, sing and danced, played games and watched the fireworks.

It was the best 4th of July in a while.

Everybody left exchanging numbers with Blaine.

When Blaine was getting ready to leave Carole and Anna decided they should have a family dinner night before the boys went back to New York.

Blaine agreed.

But he knew that it was make it or break it time and now he was given the opportunity to do what he’s been waiting for.

Tell everyone the truth and apologize.


	7. Let's Get Some Things Straight

“ _Simply it’s tiring”_

…

Let’s Get Some Things Straight

 

You would figure that both men and families would figure that maybe this wouldn't be a good idea, but they went along with it for high hopes and maybe some accomplishments.

The day went wrong for Kurt when he woke up that morning preparing the house for the disastrous event bound to happen and him setting his mind to questioning Finn on his loyalty.

Kurt knows it isn’t right to do that.

But he’s more pissed that everyone knew what was going on with Blaine and nobody bothered to attempt to bring him up.

He’s even more pissed with Finn because this fist full of asshole was buddy buddy with him and acted like he hasn’t spoken to him in years.

Kurt knew he was wrong but he felt like he was right at some point.

….

Blaine’s day was going actually well.

He went over to Sam and Mercedes to hang out and catch up more.

He and Mercedes talked finally.

He apologized to her and so did she.

They talked about a lot and Rae and Mari (samcedes daughter) seemed to be coming best friends.

They talked and he brought up the fact that he was going over the Hummel-Hudson’s house for dinner.

Mercedes then declared that there was going to be hell when he goes over to dinner.

Sam offered that they would babysit and Mercedes agreed because she doesn’t think that Rae should be around if and when the arguing starts.

Besides Rae and Mari where having a good time anyways, so there’s no need to stop his fun.

When Blaine made a quick drive back to the hotel to get Rae’s overnight stuff he then realized that he was having second thoughts.

But then he gave himself a pep talk and told himself to grow some balls.

He got Rae’s things and dropped off and then headed to the HudMels with his chest out and an armor of god and he was preparing for anything.

…..

  _Meanwhile….._

As Kurt was finishing up dinner Finn walked in the kitchen and he thought what a perfect time.

Burt and Bryan was out in the garage.

Carole, Anna and Ally were in the living room talking about baby stuff.

With everyone distracted this was the perfect time.

…..

Finn leaned against the counter with a beer in hand and waited.

He knows it coming.

He’s just waiting for the bomb to drop.

Finn speaks first.

“I started talking to him a few months into his rehabilitation. No one was there for him. He’s my best friend and nobody was speaking to him because of the shit that’s been going on between you two. I know you’re going to see it as betrayal. But he’s my best friend and he’s been there for me more than I can count. He depends on me just like I depend on him. He’s going to be my brother in law. So whatever you have to say let it rip. I know you have something to say.”

Kurt took a deep breath and then just stared at Finn.

He couldn’t be all that pissed but he still felt mad for some odd reason

“So you call the one guy who’s treated your brother like shit...”

“Step-brother”

Kurt started raising his voice

“And then all of a sudden you become all buddy buddy and shit with him out of all people. Finn is you serious. I feel betrayed. You’re supposed to be my support system and be there for me and I can’t even remember was the last time we actually acted as if we gave each other any recognition”

Carole and Ally heard them from the kitchen and sat quietly listening.

Burt and Bryan stood quiet where they were.

Then Finn started yelling.

“Kurt are you fucking kidding me right now.”

Kurt stood back shocked.

“Dude gives me a break with all this bullshit. First off Blaine has been more to a brother to me then you have in years. When that shit went down with Rachel you weren’t there for me. You consoled _her,_ you were there for _her_ , and you did things with _her._ You were always there for Rachel not me. So don’t come to me about when was the last time we acted like brothers. You forgot about me and everyone who doesn’t fit into your new York life.”

Kurt leaned backwards against the kitchen sink with his head bowed.

Finn was standing leaning against the kitchen island starring furiously at Kurt.

Finn calmed down some when he saw Carole, Ally, Burt and Bryan walk in.

“Kurt it’s because of you that Blaine has no one. With everybody having your back and him coming later into the group there loyalty was to you not him. Even I, Sam and mike were fooled. He wasn’t the person in the wrong. You were. You’re the one who found somebody else and had him as something to hold whenever you needed him. He did a whole bunch of shit for you and you don’t even give it any recognition. You and I both know when he came to McKinley that he wasn’t what he had become. He was to himself. Didn’t socialize much. He became who he is still to this day because of _you_. He came out for _you,_ he joined glee for _you,_ and he pursued his dreams because _you_ urged him. He would have been satisfied being in New York with you and being your little toy that you continue to play with whenever you want.”

Kurt stood there starring at Finn.

He never looked at the situation that way.

Finn sighed

“I bet none of you knew that he tried to kill himself when he first started the drugs.”

He was honestly just thinking of himself.

And looking at it now.

It was his fault.

“You crushed him Kurt. The one guy he thought was his everything did the unthinkable. I might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but that night when he called me after he called you and spoke to your boyfriend at the time. That was the night you broke him. I'm not blaming you, but you crushed him that night. I know everybody here has their thoughts on Blaine, but at the end of the day when he needed someone me, mom and Santana are the only ones that were there for him. Everybody talks about him like a dog and much of a drunk he is and he’s a dope fiend. Blaine might have been weak at the time but he has come to his senses and has taken full responsibility of the shit he did. He blames himself every day for ruining the people he loves life.”

Finn breathed for a second and then turned back to Kurt.

“So Kurt the next time you or anybody in this room for that matter want to blame anybody, you all need to look into the mirror and look at yourself and take a good look and see whose fault was it really.”

Finn straightened up and walked out of the kitchen.

As he walked out Kurt spoke up then.

“Fuck you Finn don’t blame this all on me. He needs to take responsibility for his actions.”

Finn then stopped and starred at Kurt earnestly.

“You don’t think he’s been punishing himself long enough, for something that you started. He trusted you. You were his everything. He felt betrayed. He felt like a failure. Do you know what that feels like? Do you know what it feels like to feel like you’re never succeeding? No you don’t. You never had everything away from you with one phone call. So when you experience that then you tell me what it feels like to be alone.”

With that Finn walked out of the kitchen and went to the front porch.

Everyone stood there with dumbfound looks on their face.

Carole looked at Burt and nodded at each other.

Carole followed Finn to the porch and Burt walked over to Kurt and tugged on his shoulder and they walked to the back patio.

…..

Carole walked to the front door and saw Finn sitting on the steps.

She sat beside him and laid her head on his shoulder and held his hand with hers.

She sat there and waited for Finn to speak.

5 minutes later Finn heaved a heavy sigh and then let his head hang.

Carole straightened up and rubbed Finn’s back.

“Mom I know you guys might think I'm wrong for doing that, but someone had to say it and I’m getting quite pissed with him and everyone pinning shit on Blaine.”

“I know sweetie”

“Yes Blaine did a lot of things and he will forever regret it, but why does Kurt gets away with so much shit and he has some nerve talking about us being brothers and all that crap. Really mom, like really. I don’t even remember the last time he just called me to just call, or called to see how life and you guys were doing. He always tries to look innocent in shit and it kills me because he always tries to put himself as the victim in everything. Do you know how much things that has happened or how much I’ve accomplished, but do I get a ‘I'm proud Finn’ or ‘I knew you could do it’. He never really gave a shit about me and it truly shows now. I don’t even know why I'm so pissed, but I'm furious.”

Carole then spoke up.

“I’ll be honest I don’t like you guys treating each other crap, but you know how he is. When he gets a goal or his mind set on something, he tends to forget major things.”

She grabbed Finn’s chin and made him look at her.

“Finn your _Brother_ loves you. He might not have been showing it for years but he still loves you. Just promise me that you guys will try to fix this before the baby comes”

Finn starred at her.

“I promise mom.”

She smiled and then kissed his forehead.

They were so into the conversation that they didn’t hear a car pull up.

“Hey am I interrupting something?”

They both looked up and saw who it was.

And they just blinked for a minute and then smiled.

…..

_Meanwhile…._

Burt pulled Kurt to the back patio.

Burt and Kurt sat in silence on the patio swing for a few minutes.

Kurt leaned forward and laid his head on his knees and just started crying.

Burt rubbed his back and let him cry it out.

After a few minutes he leaned up and laid his head on his father’s shoulder.

Kurt felt like somebody dropped a boulder on his chest.

He didn’t know that’s how Finn felt.

He knew that they hadn’t been on good terms

But damn was he really that selfish and inconsiderate.

He was going to find a way to make it up to Finn. He just had to.

He really felt clueless as to the information he found out about Blaine.

He always blamed Blaine for everything.

He never thought he did wrong, he always considered himself as the victim.

Now that wasn’t the truth.

Blaine had no one and everything went downhill for him because of Kurt.

He leaned into his father’s touch.

Burt rubbed his shoulder.

“Dad be honest with me. Do you think it’s my fault that everything that’s been going on is my fault?”

Burt sighed

“I think it’s your fault for not speaking about what happened with you and Blaine. Do I blame you for what’s been going on between you and Finn? 100% yes.”

Kurt looked at Burt shockingly.

Burt then raised his hand so he could finish.

“Yes it is your fault that Finn and you fell out because you treated him like he didn’t matter. You and he may not have started out as friends. Yes he was one of your bullies, but when you guys started knowing each other you guys became best friends and brothers. He looked out for you a lot, he encouraged you to succeed, and he was there when you needed someone to talk to, even though half the time he couldn’t understand from your view he was there. But at the end you were always there for Rachel more than him. Have you realized that the only one person you talk to from high school is Rachel? Did you realize that at the BBQ nobody talked to you willingly?”

Kurt didn’t pay it any attention but he knew that nobody was talking to him because they had nothing to say.

He didn’t have a clue as to what to any of them had been up to.

He didn’t even know that Mercedes and Sam were married and had a child which is even worse.

Mercedes was his best friend and now it’s like they don’t even know each other.

Burt sighed

“Listen here kid, I know this might sound out of character but I say you get that stick that’s stuck so far up your ass and start apologizing and get reacquainted with your old friends and be more social.”

Kurt smiled and then hugged Burt

“That even means you apologizing to Blaine” Burt said

Kurt stiffened, then pulled away and looked at Burt.

“Kurt I know this is something you don’t need to do or want to do. But you are the one in the wrong”

Kurt was about to speak up and then Burt cut him off.

“Kurt you guys were somewhat dating or trying things out. You were the one who went out and started dating and developed a relationship with him. You don’t really have reason to be a victim except the night when him came here and called you and acted like an asshole. Yes I get it you were hurt. But that is the only thing that you can hold against him. He did a lot of things for you and bettered himself for you, and the way you repay him is giving him false hope and dreams of being together. You have to learn to forgive and forget.”

“But I have forgiven and forgotten. What else am I supposed to do?” Kurt said

“Then you need to tell Blaine. He’s been beating himself up for years. He needs to know you’re over it. He’s apologized a billion times. Tell him you forgive him so he can forgive himself and live life. Do that one thing for him.”

Burt patted his shoulder and got up and walked into the kitchen.

Kurt sat there for a few and let everything set in.

His dad was right, he was an ass.

A self-absorbed ass at that.

He had some serious thinking, a lot of apologizing and soul searching to do.

He’s been through a lot in life.

But his best times were with his friends, family and Blaine.

And he needed to find a way back to that.

Even if Blaine might not be in the picture.

He had to try.

…..

When Blaine walked up to the front porch he knew something was already brewing in the air.

He felt the tension as soon as he saw Finn and Carole’s faces.

Blaine was ready to leave then.

But he was doing this for Finn and Finn only.

So he walked up to them and then they went inside.

When Blaine stepped inside he felt even more tension.

He walked into the kitchen with Finn and Carole, and saw his mom, Ally and his dad.

They all looked somewhat worried and caution.

Ally walked over to Blaine and gave him a hug and then his mother proceeded to do the same thing.

They stood in the kitchen for a few minutes talking about Rae and other things that’s been going on with Blaine.

This whole time his dad was standing there not saying a word and Blaine not even acknowledging him.

Burt walked in from the backyard and smiled towards Blaine and then went into the dining room.

Not too long after Kurt appeared from the backyard and did the same thing Burt did and headed into the dining room.

After Carole declared dinner was ready everybody headed to the dinner table.

Kurt went in the kitchen to help Carole.

Carole and Burt sat at the heads of the table.

Bryan, Anna and Kurt sat on side.

Finn, Ally, and Blaine sat on the other side.

Everything was going alright so far.

Conversation was minimum, but Blaine knew there was tension in the room he just didn’t know what it was from.

But of course he figured that it was because he was there.

So his plan from there on he decided that he wasn’t going to speak unless he was spoken to.

Carole, Ally and Anna were talking baby stuff.

Burt and Bryan were talking sports stuff as usual.

Kurt, Finn and Blaine were the quiet ones at the table.

Carole kept glancing from the side to Blaine.

She could see the look in all the boys’ eyes that they were miserable.

She missed the bubbly Blaine. She knows he’s been through a lot, but there’s times she really misses him.

But the new Blaine is way more confident and matured. He’s become a seasoned man because he’s been through so much.

He might have lost almost everything, but he moved on and did his soul searching and he’s changed for the better.

After a few minutes Carole turned and spoke to Blaine.

“So Blaine what else are you doing out here before you head back to New York” says Carole

For no apparent reason everybody went silent.

Oh boy


	8. Why The Fuck Do You Care ?

Why The Fuck Do You Care ?

 

There was a long pause before Blaine answered.

“I’m actually here to take Rae back home with me.” Blaine said

“Oh that’s great. What about his mother? Did you guys work out something?” Anna asked

Blaine hesitated for a second.

He was debating if he should tell them the truth or not.

But he made the decision a long time ago that he was going to stop lying and be honest with himself and people.

“No, his mother passed about 2 weeks ago. I’ve been in his life since she told me about him, which was about three years ago.”

“Oh honey I'm sorry.” Said Carole

Blaine nodded his head

“It’s ok. I'm glad that I got to know her before she passed. She died from brain cancer. She was in and out of remission for years and she called me up and told me that the doctors were telling her things weren’t looking good. So I came here when she decided to make living arrangements for Rae. I’ll have him under my complete care in 24 hours. Once I enroll him in school, He’ll have holidays and vacations with her parents. I just hate that she had to go through so much pain before passing.”

“How has Rae been taking it since she passed.” Ally finally spoke up

“I think Rae has finally got the drift that his mom is in heaven with the angels.”

Kurt takes a glimpse towards Blaine but doesn’t hold the gaze.

Then Bryan speaks up.

“So are you ready to raise a child on your own?”

Blaine folds his hands on the table and looks down at the twined fingers.

This is when Blaine gets ultra pissed.

“Well father I wouldn't have agreed to take care of Rae if I didn’t think I was prepared to take care of him on my own.”

Bryan is a little taken back with Blaine’s response and the fact that he didn’t look at him.

“I'm just saying with everything that you had going on and your business stuff. Are you ready to take on all that pressure?”

Blaine looked at his father head on because he knew were this was going and it might as well be all laid out on the table here tonight and done with.

Finito.

“I don’t see how I wouldn't be able to do it, mom did it”

Now Bryan looked at him head on.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Blaine sat back in his chair and crossed his legs.

“Ma practically raised me and Ally on her own. You were never around when we needed you. The few times I remember you being in my child hood were never for a good reason. I get it I was the accident that messed up everything. Everything was alright with just you, mom and Ally.”

Anna speaks up.

“How dare you say that, I never called you an accident?” Anna protested

Blaine looked to Anna

“Ma do you remember the year when I was 11 around Christmas time, when you and dad was talking in the living room putting the finishing touches on the tree.”

“Yea I do.”

“And why do you remember year ma?”

Anna was silent.

She bowed her head and leaned back in her chair.

And that’s the answer he was looking for.

“Well, I remember quite clearly. You bought ally everything she wanted that year and what did you get me ma?”

Anna was still silent

Once again the answer he was looking for.

“you didn’t get me anything, because at the time when you went out to go shopping from me you had went up to dads job to get the extra cash, but found dad cheating on you with his co-worker and you had disappeared for a week. I never forget the argument you guys had that night and if I clearly remember you both blamed each other for me being even made. ”

No one still spoke.

Blaine sniffed and continued.

“You know I cried myself to sleep that night. I distanced myself from all of you because of the both of you. That Christmas the clothes that you bought me I gave away at school clothing drive.”

They both snapped their heads towards him.

“I hated all of you after that. Ally was the golden child. She was what you only wanted. After all of that father was never found of me. I liked music, loved playing the piano, and loved dressing differently than every other asshole I had to protect myself from because I was too small and weird.”

“Blaine” ally spoke

“What” Blaine practically yelled

“Cut it out. Now you’re just looking for attention”

He laughed cold heartedly

“Really Ally, I'm looking for attention. What difference does it make to you, you got it all. You will always have it all. You’re the perfect child. I don’t see why any of this bothers you anyhow. When I came out to ma and father, you sat there on your ass and let them tore my ass apart and then sent me to Dalton. Your ass had nothing to say then.”

This was a shock to everyone else.

They thought Blaine ended up coming to McKinley because they moved to Lima and it was a better commute.

This was an utter shock.

Bryan spoke

“So what your plans was to come here and blame everybody for your false doings and your lifestyle.”

Blaine couldn’t believe this asshole just said that.

_Aren’t we sitting in the same room did he just missed out the conversation._

Blaine heaved a sigh and shook his head.

“If the only thing you got out of that conversation was the fact that I was gay and I was an adolescent I don’t think there’s anything else to say to you.” Blaine yelled

“Well what the hell do you expect Blaine?” Bryan yelled back

“You want to know what is the most fucked up part about this is, you never thought what you did to ma was wrong. This burns me to my core. I get the blame for everything. When you guys were in debt, _we have to pay for Blaine's school,_ why do we need a piano; _we got it so Blaine has something to with himself._ You made me feel like everything were my fault and I constantly blame myself for everything that happened. I hated myself for years. Then when the bashing happened you all made it seem like you loved me. You guys were never there for me. Do you know what it felt like to live with a mom and dad and a sister at that, and nobody loves you. You guys didn’t seem interested in me until I damn near died. Yes I might seem ungrateful. And I thank you for buying the piano, something that kept me happy and hopeful. Thank you for sending me to Dalton because it made me a better person. It made me who I am to this day. I thank you for that.”

“Blaine, everything that went wrong for you, is because of you. Nobody put that damn needle to your arm, nobody made you gay, nobody told you to almost kill that lady and her son, nobody told you to have hopeless dreams about some petty as almost relationship, nobody told you to get some lady pregnant and have a kid and nobody told you back then to come to that cookout and fucking blast Kurt like he was some damn stranger. That was all you, nobody told you to do any of that shit but you did it anyway. It’s your fault you’re fucking lonely and you have no one. It’s your fault why nobody wants you around. You’re your only worst enemy.” Ally practically yelled.

“Might as well have” Blaine said under his breath.

“Blaine if you felt this way why haven’t you ever said anything before. Why wait until now to say something.” Said Anna

“Ma are you serious? After that crap happened with dad you said nothing to me for a year and half. Neither did dad. Ally said a few words but she was in high school and had time for no one. When I came out the both of you blasted me like I was a criminal and I stole something. Then when I was bashed now you were worried. Ever since I was eleven I have been unhappy. Nothing any of you could do can make me happy or change what you did to me.”

“So you’re blaming this on them because of what happened then?” ally said curiously

“Yes, that’s exactly what I'm doing. You’re the one who had the happy upbringing, not me. It will never be me.”

Then Kurt felt like he needed to put his two cents in.

“Some things never change” Kurt murmurs

Blaine has finally had it with being the target

“You know before you open your trap you should think before talking. I figured you would have learned that from that pain in the ass Berry chick. Every time she opens her mouth she screws up, just like her career.”

“Blaine” Bryan & Anna hissed

Finn snickered which resulted to him getting a glare from Kurt, Burt and Carole

“First off don’t talk about my friends. Just because you’re some washed up singer who can’t keep his dick to himself and has had about every STD.”

“Kurt” said Burt timidly.

Blaine smirked at Kurt.

This pissed Kurt off even more.

Blaine then turned his head towards Carole.

“I’m here to take my son home with me. His mother just passed from brain cancer. I’ve been here for two months. I’ve been too busy handling Melissa’s last wishes and her signing over parental rights and then she redid her will so our son can have money for college. She passed two weeks ago. I’m paying off the funeral cost and selling her things and keeping important things in storage like she asked.”

“So where’s your son now?” Said Anna

 “He’s with his other grandparents right now. I didn’t feel comfortable bringing him here.”

“Why? We’re family” said Ally

“Why The Fuck Do You Care?” Blaine hissed

“Blaine” Finn finally spoke up

Blaine took a breather.

“Really Ally? When have we acted like a family and when was the last time me and you spoke without you calling me useless and waste of space?”

“That was only once and I was drunk. I’ve apologized to you a thousand times for that.”

“And yet again when we talk you never forget to remind how much I’ve failed.”

“Blaine you are not a failure” says Bryan

“Come on dad seriously.”

Blaine smirked.

 _The truth shall set you free_ he thought.

“Everybody at this table at one point or another has said there peace on me. Ally we already know you have an ass for a brother. Mom yes I know you’re disappointed in me for frolicking around and not settling with a high school sweet heart.” Said Blaine nonchalantly  

Kurt looked down at the table then and thought to himself _you could have_.

“Dad I know you have people at the office that talk and never fail to point out to you that your son is a fag”

“Blaine quit it” said his dad

He laughed a little

“Oh no I’m just getting started. To Carole thank you. You are the only person who’s at this table who has changed your look on me, so thank you very much. Burt I considered you like a second dad. You were there when I was too scared to talk to my parents. You were there when I needed practice coming out to my parents. But just like everyone else you turned your back on me when I needed you most. I don’t hate you and I don’t have anything bad to say to you but I’m just disappointed. Finn I know you’re in between a rock and a hard place with Kurt being your brother and Ally being your fiancé so you don’t know where you stand. But I hope we can still have the friendship we have kept at this point.”

He then looked at everyone and then landed his eyes on Kurt.

Kurt just looked back at him. Ready for war.

“Kurt I know we've both screwed up as friends and nothing will ever change what I said to you that night. Ill apologize to you for the rest of my life if I have to for you to forgive me. I needed you and you didn’t want to be bothered. You knew me better than anyone else. I trusted you and gave you all of me and then next I here you were with someone else. Don’t get me wrong we never said anything officially. We acted as petty teenagers with raging hormones with hearts on our sleeves instead of acting like adults, but when he came in the picture you shut me out because he didn’t like our friendship. So I moved on too. I started the drugs because that’s the only thing I had stable in my life and that would never leave me. Did you know that everyone we went to school with never called or spoke to me again once you were engaged including the warblers? The only person I have is Santana and that’s because Berry tried to torch her in front of everyone. Me and Santana are all we have because of the both of you. Santana trusted you and you never stuck up for her. The only thing that pisses me off is how you let someone make a decision for you that you know is wrong. I’m not here to speak for no one else but I want to let you know that yes I hate you. I hate you because when I needed you most you weren’t there. You never visited me in the hospital when I needed you.”

He took a deep breathe

He sadly smiled

“I told you, you were going to make promises you couldn’t keep and you did just that.

Blaine wiped away his tears and stood. He looked towards his parents then the HudMels.

He looked at his sister finally

“Congrats big sis, I hope you have happiness and everything you want.”

He walked towards the entry of the dining room and turned towards everyone.

“I don’t think I’ll be around after this. So this is my Farewell. I love you all, but this is my last visit.”

….

A lot of things were said that night.

Did it stick?

Yeah it did.

But it was too late for things to be changed.

Yes Blaine made it seem like he was an innocent by stander when he truly wasn’t.

But he was thrown away and he felt like he had to tell them how he felt regardless of what the real deal was.

Only thing Blaine wanted was to feel loved and wanted.

Instead he was tolerated and there for their convenience.

He hated being the asshole, but how else was he going to able to tell them how he felt.

…

That night came alone, with a broken heart and a lot on his chest.

He left with a mending heart and a big sigh because he was glad to finally have been able to tell everyone how he felt.

He hated outing Kurt, but how else was he supposed to tell him how he felt when he threw him away to.

Kurt was his everything at one point.

He thought he was Kurt's everything too.

When all the bones fall out the closet, how do you put them back together?


	9. Friday night April 8th 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first flashback of the series

Friday night April 8th 2016

Blaine PoV

When I decided to make music for a living, I knew it would be easy, but I would do anything to get my music out there. But now it’s like I fucking hate it.

My music company is giving me so much grief this go around for my sophomore album.

I guess why I'm taking it so hard is because the music I'm presenting is something I wrote personally and worked so hard on.

I was sure that I wouldn't have to rewrite or fix things around.

But they didn’t like any of it. Not even the music that I made.

My manager called me to his office a week ago to speak to me.

He told me that they thought it was _Sappy._

Like really dude, you guys choose me because I was fucking loveable and that the girls were fawning over me because I did _Sappy_ shit.

Then he told me that there looking for something _Raw, Heartbreaking and Passionate._

I have to be honest how am I supposed to do something like that, if I’ve never experienced that.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve been through some shit as a kid.

I could write something about broken hoes and being lied to.

I’ve experienced that my whole life, but that’s not what I want people to know about me.

There are things I know about, that my parents don’t even know I know.

It’s been a week since that meeting and I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything and I haven’t spoken to Kurt in two weeks.

We’ve been sending texts and catching each other’s voicemails.

He’s missed Skype dates.

I know he’s been busy with his internship and I’ve been doing a lot of shows and traveling a lot.

But it sucks.

Especially during times like this.

He’s the only one that can kind of get me out of funks like this.

But every time that I go to call him I get this gut wrenching feeling.

Like something isn’t right or something is out of its place.

I know I’m being stupid, but I have a feeling that something’s going on with Kurt that he hasn’t been telling me.

Or maybe he’s just has a lot of shit on his plate with work and all.

And then I probably don’t make it any easier with my schedule and then me always being busy.

I just wish there was a way that I could always be close to him.

Ever since a year or so ago we’ve been kind of dating, but nothing serious.

I guess you can say we’re dating, but to him he might consider it just being with me when I'm there and then when I'm not things is whatever.

But for me I consider it dating.

But who knows what he thinks he rarely talks about us.

Every time I bring up the aspect of us, he changes the conversation to him and then when I want to talk about my stuff and things out here, all of a sudden he’s tired or he has to go.

I know what it is to be ignored or being there for someone else’s convenience.

I’ve been treated that way my whole life.

…..

  _Two days later…._

I stayed home today.

I woke this morning and didn’t feel good and then I felt gloomy.

I was going to call Kurt around noon but I figured he would be at work.

So around 5-ish I decide to call.

At first the phone just rang.

And then the phone was picked up.

“Hello Kurt Hummel’s phone”

But it wasn’t his voice.

It was another man’s

_Another man’s voice on his phone._

“Umm…who is this?”

“I'm Phil, Kurt's boyfriend. May I ask who’s speaking?”

Phil…..

_Kurt’s boyfriend…_

I felt like my fucking life was falling apart.

I forgot I was on the phone.

“Umm…don’t worry about it, I won’t be calling back. Sorry to be a bother.”

And I hung the phone.

That night for some reason felt like everything was clearer.

But at the same time it felt like my whole world was crashing down.

I put everything I had into being what he needed and changed who I was for him.

I became more outgoing..

I was there when he needed someone to talk to.

I was the shoulder he cried on when Karofsky stole his first kiss.

I danced with him when he was crowned prom queen.

I was there to help him practice for NYADA.

I took a rock salt slushie for him.

I was there when he didn’t get accepted to NYADA.

Ive been there for him through and through and this is the repay I get.

Only thing I wanted was to loved.

I wanted someone to care.

I wanted to feel special.

I wanted to be his one and only.

I just wanted to be wanted.

_Wanted._

That’s all I ever needed.

And now, I see that, it’s never going to happen.

If I can’t get Kurt, one of the most decent guys I’ve ever known, to like me and at least love me.

Then what do I do.

I know I might make this seem like the end of the world, but to me, he was my everything and now all of that is crushed.

It just shows how one minute you can be so in love and then the next it’s shattered with lies and deceit.

Will I get past this, of course.

But right now I feel like sulking.

But one day I will get pass this and maybe forgive.

If he ever admits to it.

But I have no choice but to live on.

He’s living his life and now I'm going to live mine.

I have better things to work on.

My music is my main priority.

I have fans to make proud.

He might have broken my heart, lied and kind of cheated.

But I will not let him or my obliviousness deceive me this go around.

I will succeed and go forward.

Yes I will have my times where I fail, but I can only learn from my mistakes.

And I will succeed.

I'm all I have.

_Me._


	10. Let’s Not See Each other Again Pt. 1

_“This love has dried up and stayed behind,_

_And if I stay I’ll be a lie,_

_Then choke on words id always hide._

_Excuse me first love, but we’re though.”_

….

 

Blaine PoV

It’s been 4 ½ months since the dinner back in Lima and I’m glad that I got things off my chest.

But now it’s like I’ve opened up a fresh can of worms and now everybody cares and loves me now.

Where the hell were they when I needed the love?

Don’t get me wrong I like the fact that people actually give a damn about me now.

I just don’t like that I had to get it just because I lost my cool.

Don’t get me wrong; no matter how much of an accident I was, I still love my family.

I may have a lot of hate for them, but I still have some love for them.

Rae asks about them and about stuff when I was kid.

I don’t know what is worse telling your child about his grandparents who don’t give a shit about their own son or you having to make up things to make it seem like you had an alright child hood.

I just hate having to lie to Rae.

I don’t want him to be lied to like I was.

I don’t want to cause anymore trauma to his life then he’s already have.

I just wish I could give him the white picket fence dream I always wanted when I had kids.

I guess things will just have to work backwards.

I still talk to Finn.

A lot more now since the dinner.

I have weekly Skype dates with Carole while she works a late shift at work.

Burt sends occasional texts, sometimes I text back and others I don’t.

He understands why and he doesn’t push or question why.

Ma calls about once a week but we're on the phone for 5 minutes tops.

Dad emails but I’ve block his email address.

Ally tries to communicate, but to be honest I really could give two shits about what she has to say.

And Kurt has contacted once relays messages through Carole.

I’m just glad that things was said and have been settled.

Maybe now I can move on and have more peace with myself.

But then I feel guilty because I never got to hear what Kurt had to say.

If he had anything to say.

….

Kurt PoV

It’s been a few months since Lima and to be honest I feel bad and I didn’t know he felt like that.

I didn’t know that I had done those things until he opened his mouth and said anything.

I never meant to hurt him that bad.

But how was I supposed to know _why_ he stopped calling.

_I should have known then._

I was so into myself and not getting hurt and moving on that I didn’t even bother telling him or talking to him about it.

I would be lying if I say that I didn’t still love Blaine.

But how can you love someone you’ve crushed and hated for so long.

But when will I be able to tell him my side of the story.

….

It’s a few weeks until Thanksgiving.

And both Blaine and Kurt have been summoned to come to dinner.

This time it’s just the Hummel’s.

The Anderson’s will be in San Diego visiting relatives and Ally is tagging along.

So it’s just going to be Burt, Carole, Finn, Kurt and Blaine.

Both men hope that this event goes smoothly.

But one never knows when it comes to 2 stubborn people who hate to admit that they still love each other.

….

It’s the weekend before Thanksgiving and Blaine is packing him and Rae some clothes for the week.

Rae is going to be spending some time with Melissa’s parents and Blaine is going to be doing some work.

Blaine was trying to decide whether they were going to stay with them. But he decided that he would much rather stay in a hotel.

….

“Papa why are we going to Lima?”

Blaine looked over to his left and looked at his son, who was looking out of the small plane window.

“Well you’re going to see your grams and gramps and I have some business to handle and Auntie Tana couldn’t watch you because she has to work at the club.”

Rae nodded but stayed looking out the window.

Blaine knew something was wrong with Rae. He hasn’t been himself for about a week or two.

He hasn’t pressured him because he thinks it might be about his mom, so he’s been trying to hold out and wait for him to talk about it.

But he thinks it’s much deeper than that.

Blaine leaned over and put his finger on Rae’s chin and turned it towards him.

He looked deep in his eyes.

Yes there was something wrong.

“What’s the matter Rae? You have those Anderson puppy eyes, what's bothering you?”

Rae looked at Blaine and then closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them again.

“Papa, are you lonely?”

Blaine was taken aback by what Rae had just said to him.

_What would give him that idea?_

“Why do you ask Rae?”

Rae turned his head back to the window.

Then spoke.

“I heard you and grandma Carole talking. I heard you talking on Skype the other night and she asked about you being lonely and you didn’t answer her. But you looked kind of sad after you talked to her.”

Blaine heaved a sigh.

“Rae I have to be honest. Do I get lonely sometimes? Yes, I do, but it’s not because of you why I'm lonely. I’ve made a lot of people close to me mad and I’ve made a lot of enemies also. A lot of people hate me because of the way I acted when I was younger.”

Rae looked back towards Blaine.

“Rae you have to understand one thing. My loneliness has nothing to do with you. I don’t think I'm really all that lonely. I think I just miss being the old me. But you being in my life have made my days a lot better. Trust me.”

Rae smiled at Blaine and hugged his dad.

“I love you papa”

“I love you too Rae.”

….

So they’ve gotten to Lima, Ohio, and already things aren’t going right.

They had to wait for the next flight to come in because their luggage wasn’t on their flight and they were already jet lagged from the flight.

When they finally got their luggage, they headed to the car rentals and finally drove to the hotel they would be staying for the time being.

When they finally got to the room they both took showers, ordered room service and pig out in front of the TV and watched Disney movies.

Lately Blaine has been kind of busy with the clubs and having rehearsals for this new Broadway production.

So he’s had very little time with Rae and he wants to make it up to him as much as he can while he can.

Him and Rae made a blanket fort in the living room and curled up with each other.

Rae was out like a light.

They were watching Aladdin and I bought back memories of him and Kurt.

They used to have the same blanket forts.

Being in this situation and holding his son made his heart sore.

He imagined this scenario, but with Kurt on the other side of them and holding his hand while laid softly on the child’s back.

He didn’t know when he started shedding tears, but he roughly wiped the tear tracks off his face and turned the movie off.

….

Let’s just say He didn’t sleep well that night.

The next morning he took Rae to his grandparents’ house that he will be staying with the rest of the vacation time.

He and Rae didn’t want to detach but they had too.

Once he dropped Rae off, he met up with some people that he’s doing some work with in Westerville.

Once he finished with work, he went back to the hotel room and relaxed and got some rest.

….

When he woke up a few hours later, he made some calls.

He called Santana to see how things were going with the clubs and if everything was in order.

He then called Rae and wished him a goodnight.

Then he finally got on Skype and has his weekly video chat and she once again made sure he was coming to dinner the next day.

After all his phone calls, he took a shower, ordered room service and wet to bed.

As he lay there, he prayed that tomorrow would work out because he can’t deal with anymore drama and stress in his life.

….

The next day he woke up around 6 A.M.

He got up took a shower and headed over to see Rae and then head out to dinner.

When he got to Melissa’s parent’s house he was immediately enveloped in a hug from Rae.

They had a Thanksgiving morning breakfast.

When they got finished with breakfast, Blaine and Harold watched some football games, while Samantha and Rae washed dishes and started cooking.

Around 5:30 he bid his farewells and said that he’ll be back in the morning.

….

On his way to the HudMels, for some reason he got nervous as hell.

It’s not like he’s never been there before.

It’s just now, he’s going there to make piece and apologize for the way he ruined after the fourth of July.

He just wants everything to go smoothly.

….

When he gets to the HudMels, he parks his car in front and sits.

He looks out the window and stares at the house.

The house that he once loved to go to.

Now it just holds multiple hand grenades waiting to be launched towards him.

He sighs heavily and pulls himself from the car and walks up the path to the front door.

….

He stands in front of the door as if it’s going to open its self.

He rings the bell.

He hears someone say hold on.

When the door finally opens, he nearly shits himself.

The person smiles back at him.

He forgets everything.


	11. Let’s Not See Each Other Again Pt. 2

_“I need to taste to kiss from someone new_

_Forgive me first love, but I’m too tired._

_I’m bored to say the last and I, I lack desire”_

_…._

He couldn’t believe it.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Well look who we have here.”

The snake himself.

“Look whose still sex on a stick”

_Sebastian “sneaky” Smythe._

Blaine held his head back and closed his eye’s

“Please tell me I have the wrong house, that just so happens to look like Kurt’s”

Sebastian laughed.

“Nope. You have the right house. We just so happen to stop by and…”

Blaine looked at Sebastian.

“We? Who are we? Please tell me _he’s_ not here”

Sebastian wiped the smirk off his face and looked at Blaine seriously.

“Yes _he’s_ here. He’s my husband. We were going around and visiting some family and the friends we do have here in this shit hole of a town.”

“Oh so you guys are still running around and ruining people’s life’s.”

Sebastian stepped outside on the porch with Blaine.

Blaine stepped back.

Sebastian took a deep breath and then spoke

“Look I know we haven’t been on the best of terms.”

“Really Sebastian those words you choose.”

“Blaine be quiet and let me finish for a change. Jesus Christ.”

Blaine stayed quiet.

“Listen, I know you never forgave me and him for what we’ve done to you two, but Kurt has taken his time and forgave us, but you. I understand that what we did hurt you and you can never forget what happened. But all we’re asking for is forgiveness.”

Blaine stood there and looked at him.

He knows Sebastian is a changed man, but he can’t forgive and forget that easily. Especially for him and that other asshole.

Blaine looked ahead towards the door.

“You know if you would have asked me a few years ago while I was still recovering and forgiving anyone and everyone. I would have right away forgiven you. But I'm not that man anymore. I don’t care about having friends. I don’t forgive people who have hurt me and damn sure not letting anything go. Yes I might talk to those people, doesn’t necessarily mean I like them. I tolerated you and that other pain in my ass because of Kurt and due to the fact that I can kind of give two shit’s about him also, no. I'm not taking your apology. Sell it to someone who actually believes you’re a decent human being.”

Blaine walks past Sebastian and walks inside.

Sebastian stood outside for a few seconds.

He knows the old warbler is still in there, he’ll just have to work on it.

….

_ Meanwhile in the kitchen… _

Kurt and Dave were in the kitchen finishing the last finishing touches.

Well Kurt was finishing dinner and Dave was sitting at the island drinking a beer.

“I don’t know I let you talk me into shit.” Dave says

“Because you are my best friend and you owe me big time, less we forget what happened at your bachelor party.”

Dave almost spit his beer out.

Kurt started laughing and Dave pointed towards him.

“You swore to secrecy that you wouldn't even bring that up.”

“Yeah I know, but I like ruffling your feathers a little.”

“Kurt you are the worst friend ever and I am about to disown you. You’re about to lose all types of best friend points.”

Kurt smile’s and then walks over to Dave and gives him a big bear hug.

“You know I do appreciate and love you and Seb dearly right.”

Kurt pulls back and looks at Dave with his hands on his shoulders

“I know that we’ve had our issues and past experiences, but you are my rock. Even if your husband has the tendency to be a pain in my ass, but I love you and I'm so happy that you have found someone that you deserve and makes you more than happy.”

Dave gave him a watery smile and hugged Kurt.

“You know you would’ve been married by now if you hadn’t screwed up certain relationship that will remain nameless because the man is standing right outside probably cursing my husband left and right because he lost another friend to you”

Kurt stiffened up and moved back to the counter.

Dave walked over and leaned against the counter and looked at Kurt sideways.

“Kurt I know you hate it when I take sides and when I'm being realistic but listen to me”

He takes Kurt chin and turns it to him and looks at him deeply.

“You know you are wrong for what you did to that man out there. You love him and he loves you. You are all each other had in high school and you guys protected each other through everything. You have defended him with your smart ass mouth and rude remarks. He has defended you physically. You are each other’s soul mates no matter what's going on between you numb skulls right now.”

Kurt looked at him with watery eyes.

Dave looked at him.

Like really looked at him.

And he saw it.

Kurt is hurt.

Kurt is lonely.

Kurt is unbalanced.

Kurt feels betrayed.

But also.

Kurt misses Blaine.

Kurt loves Blaine.

Dave pulled him into a hug and squeezed him tight.

“I want you to promise me that no matter what, after tonight you are going to fight for him. Physically and emotionally. He has done these things for you long enough. Now it’s your turn to do a little fighting.”

Kurt nods his head against Dave’s shoulder.

Kurt lifts his head and smiles at Dave.

“You moron you said you were not going to make me cry on this visit”

“I hold no promise’s for my infamous pep talks”

Kurt laughs and wipes his face with a napkin and finishes up dinner.

As Kurt is putting everything on the table Sebastian and Blaine walk through the front door.

Kurt glances and sees that Sebastian has this defeated look in his face and once again Blaine is standing there looking like he’s ready for war.

Kurt thinks to himself.

_Another night ruined._

....

When Blaine and Seb walk in, the house smells like _home._

Kurt calls out that dinner is ready.

Blaine takes his coat off and hangs it.

He prepares himself to walk into the kitchen.

When he walks inside the kitchen he knows something is off.

Kurt’s eyes are red rimmed and Dave has a wet patch on his shoulder.

I guess Seb realizes it too because he asks Dave to come to the living room.

When Dave walks past he gives Blaine a quick head nod.

Then it’s just him and Kurt.

“Where’s everybody else?” Blaine said

Kurt looked up.

“Dad and Carole had to go to DC the last minute and Finn and Ally had to stay home last minute because Ally is on bed rest now.”

Blaine nodded his head.

_Carole could have told him, but then she knew he wouldn't have come. Finn could have said something but then he knew he wouldn’t have come either._

_I'm assuming that they think it would be just us._

_They’re both a Piece of work._

This would be the perfect time to say something but neither one of them didn’t know what to say.

They both think.

_Could this be anymore awkward?_

….

When everybody sat down at the table it was kind of awkward and then it was finally nice for them out of all the people in world to be able to sit at a table and not kill each other.

Dave decides to break the silence.

“So Blaine how’s everything with the clubs and you getting prepared for the new Broadway show?”

Kurt then looks up.

Yeah he feels dumbfounded

He knew about the _clubs_ , but he didn’t know anything about a Broadway show.

Blaine was taken back a little. He didn’t think that Dave out of all people would ask him about his career.

“Well the club upstate is our main one and is still going strong. But the club in Soho is doing a lot better these days with the holidays and then pride is coming soon. So we have a lot going on. With the play I have the main role even though it’s not much, but it’s enough to get people to know the new me for at least 8 weeks”

“That’s great me and Seb is planning on going to the club in Soho and see the play once we officially settle down in the city”

“Great babe, just great you ruined the surprise” Seb stated dramatically

“Babe really what were you going to do exactly” Dave looked at Seb suspiciously

Seb sat there and acted like he was thinking.

Kurt and Blaine were trying there hardest to hold back there laughter.

“I don’t know, but you ruined it anyway” Seb leaned back in his chair and pouted somewhat

They all laughed at that.

Then Blaine spoke

“So Dave I heard your starting your own practice in New York”

“Yea, a lot of people requested me in the city so we said why not people we know are moving out there might as well. And Seb just likes the fact that he has new hangout spots and more places to write about for his work blog.”

“Oh Seb how is that” Kurt finally spoke up

“Well now that we have semi-settled down, its actually fun and keeps me way busier than where we were living before. The parties I have to say are pretty wild. But it’s a nice change and I don’t have to worry about taking anyway home because I have my one and only.” Seb stated and then grab Dave’s hand and twined their fingers together.

….

Blaine and Kurt felt like they were violating their privacy.

But in reality they were thinking

_I wish that could have been us._

….

He was truly happy for Blaine, but he will always regret not being on Broadway.

Kurt was always a little disappointed that he never made it to Broadway.

He knew that he had the potential, but he lost the thrill and drive for it.

He will never lose his love for musicals and Broadway but it’s not where his heart belonged anymore.

….

During the whole conversation Blaine could see the disappointment and sadness on his face.

Blaine knew he might have hit a sore spot for Kurt, but this time it was unintentional.

He knows him just being there is a sore spot for Kurt and he has hurt him in the past.

But when Blaine needed him he wasn’t there and he was even more hurt because of that.

The man that he will love until the end has hurt him more than the family that didn’t want him.

And he couldn’t get over the hurt.

….

After dinner Kurt and Sebastian washed the dishes and put up the food.

Blaine had excused himself to the back porch.

Dave sat at the kitchen island observing.

Yes him being a therapist he has the tendency to observe his surroundings.

Even though he knows what’s up Kurt's ass, he also knows that Blaine must be having the same issue.

As he sees Blaine talking on the phone, he sees that smile he used to hate.

But now he kinds of miss it on him. 

He knows that Blaine is trying his best to not explode, but there’s something more like pain and anxiousness.

So he excuses himself to the back and sits on the porch steps close to Blaine but not enough to invade his space.

Blaine looked ahead and didn’t say anything right away.

“Don’t come out here giving me logic okay. I get enough of that with my own therapist. I don’t need you to do that.” Blaine practically spat

“I see you still have the tendency of being an obvious asshole.” Dave spat back

Blaine just looked at Dave and Dave stared back.

They were basically having a stare off.

Dave then spoke up.

“Look as much as I love this little competitive thing you got going. I'm here to tell you something.”

Blaine was waiting for him to finish.

“Kurt love’s you still and so do you. Point blank.”

Blaine almost spoke before Dave put up his hand and silenced him

“The both of you are pain in the asses. I don’t understand what's so hard for you too to sit there hash out all the shit the BOTH of you did and work it out from there.”

Blaine spoke then

“It’s not easy. Kurt’s stubborn and I'm not who I used to be. I rather keep my bad memories and the shit that went down to me and I rather keep it that way.”

“That’s your problem. You can’t keep that all to yourself. Trust me whether or not you believe me I've been in your position we both know this. Not everything in my marriage has been easy. We have had hard times and really good times. Do you know that we’re in the middle of an adoption and I'm kind of starting to second guess it? Blaine you are not the only man in the world who’s having issue’s with his ex.”

Blaine felt different. He felt like he can honestly trust Dave now.

Dave sat there and waited until Blaine was ready.

“I love Kurt. I forever will. I would like to become friends and maybe even more, but I don’t know if I can trust him.”

“Trust isn’t your only issue. You’re scared to love him because of what happened. And ill agree with because I've told Kurt myself, he knows that he was wrong and fucked up for what he did and I honestly think whatever it was you said to him a few months ago he deserved it and he’s finally realizing that he has fucked up big time. But I want you to know that he hasn’t been right emotionally since you guys stopped talking completely.”

“But he hurt me and I don’t know…. I don’t know if I could be THAT again and it frustrates me to no end. But I have a kid to think of also and I'm not going to let him into our lives and he leaves again. So I just rather not.”

Dave stared at him and thought to himself.

He knows this is going to press things but he’s going for it.

“I want you to become one of my clients. I know you said you already have a therapist. But it seems to be that this person is shitty and I would feel comfortable with you talking to me and I feel like you would too.”

Blaine sat there and thought it through. He already knew his answer.

“Yeah” Blaine said

“Yeah, what?” Dave looked skeptic

Blaine laughed

“Yes I’ll be one of your clients.”

Dave smiled

“Okay, that’ll be great”

“Plus my other therapist keeps trying to put me on anti-depressants and I'm actually close to slapping him.”

They both laughed.

“Well just so you know, I am actually happy that you have become the person you are today. I miss the old you even though I didn’t get much of the old you then. But I miss the crazy kid who jumps off furniture while randomly singing songs and your smile. I actually miss the smiling. Seb and Kurt would tell you that but they aren’t bold enough to say so.”

They both laughed a little.

“But I'm glad that WE can build up a friendship again.”

Blaine looked at him

“Yeah, me too.”

They sat there for a few minutes just in silence.

Then Seb came out and said that they needed to head out, to still see Dave’s dad.

They all said there goodbye’s with _hugs_.

Kurt walked them to the door.

When Kurt came back in he saw Blaine still sitting on the porch.

Kurt walked to the fridge and took out two bottles of water and headed to the back.

He walked out to the porch and sat down a few inches away from Blaine.

He was going to sit there all night if he had to.

They were going to hash this out.

_Once and for all. Whether he likes it or not._


	12. Wednesday Night July 4th 2018

Wednesday Night July 4th 2018

When Blaine got to the Hummel’s house he was already drunk and high on top of that. Finn had met up with him earlier that day and they went to happy hour.

And Blaine got a little too happy that hour because he downed 4 beers and had 5 shots and hasn’t stopped drinking since.

Finn dropped him off at his hotel so he could shower and change.

But when he got upstairs he started dreading about going and started drinking some more.

It’s not that he didn’t want to see everyone. It’s just he didn’t want to see Kurt. He knows that it’s his house how isn’t he going to see him.

But how can he go there and put on a fake smile in front of Kurt and act like what Kurt did doesn’t still hurt him to this day.

Nine times out of ten, Kurt probably thinks that he hasn’t done anything wrong.

That’s what pisses him off the most.

Kurt always thinks that everything he does is okay and it’s going to be copasetic.

But it’s not and the fake that Kurt hasn’t called him not once in the last 2 years, it just shows that Kurt doesn’t give a flying fuck about him.

So he drank and drank.

….

A few hours later he called a cab to come and get him.

On the cab ride to the HudMels he tried to sober up and get his mind together.

Yes he was pissed and yes he has hate.

But he is not going to embarrass himself to the point of no tomorrow.

….

_But in the end he did._

….

When Kurt first woke up that morning his first thought was…

_I have a bad feeling about tonight._

Kurt showered and got dressed.

He went to the market and got the last minute things for the bbq.

When he got back to the house Carole had just got home from work and was setting up the decorations out in the backyard.

Kurt got started on the cooking.

As he was cooking he started to kind of dread the night’s festivities to come.

He was ecstatic to be able to see everyone after so long.

He’s glad he’s on summer break and he misses his boyfriend.

He misses New York City.

He loves being home, it’s just that it holds so many memories that he has to admit that he screwed up.

He hates feeling like everything he’s working for is honestly going down the drain.

He’s not as happy as he could be.

He loves his boyfriend but he’s still kind of twitchy about the way they got together.

Yes they didn’t get together on a clean slate.

Kurt was still with Blaine.

Kurt was still talking to Blaine.

Still video dating with Blaine.

Still having phone and Skype sex with Blaine.

In love with Blaine.

Everything he had going on was with Blaine.

He couldn’t figure out if he was tired with doing those things with Blaine or was he looking for something else because he couldn’t have those things with Blaine all the time.

When Blaine stopped calling, texting and video chatting he should have known then.

But he brushed it off.

The next time he thought about Blaine it was almost a year later.

Yeah he thought about him here and there but when he actually looked back on it.

But what is he to do.

He’s the one that did this.

There’s no way for him to change what he did.

The only thing he thinks might change things is to apologize.

….

When I got to the HudMels I texted Finn to let him know I was here.

In the cab I sobered up as much as I could.

The worst thing about me being drunk is I tend to let everything that bothers me be known.

Maybe with me being intoxicated I can tell Kurt how I feel when he asks me how I'm doing.

 I'm going to be on my best behavior.

But if someone has things to say that pisses me off, it will be none.

….

Finn comes and opens the door for him.

He hugs Finn for the umpteenth time today.

They walk thru the house to the back yard.

When he gets there he see’s everyone and anyone from school and neighborhood.

He says hello to Sam, Mike, Tina Brittany, Marley and Jake.

He walks over and says his hello’s and gives hugs to the HudMels.

He sees his family and goes over there and says very few words.

Then he spots him.

All of a sudden he has that feeling again.

He feels anxiety, hate, and pissed.

He knows what he was signing up for but he didn’t think he would feel it this strong.

So he tends to his own business and walks around and talks to everyone except to people in his range.

Kurt looks up towards him and Blaine looks back.

They both have blank looks.

Kurt try’s to smile to him.

And Blaine just looks at him.

No emotion what so ever.

….

Kurt looked disappointed.

But he expected the coldness that Blaine was giving him.

Kurt turned back to the conversation he was having with Mercedes, Lauren, Puck, Quinn and Finn.

Kurt felt upset that Blaine hadn’t said a word.

Not even a Hi.

But he was persistent on knowing what was shoved up Blaine’s ass.

….

A few hours into the party things were going great.

Blaine went inside to go use the bathroom and that’s when Kurt seen his chance to talk to Blaine.

Well actually corner him to see what animal crawled up his ass and died.

Before he could get far to the door Finn walked up behind him and took him to the kitchen.

….

“Kurt I need you to promise me that whatever you say or intend to do to Blaine you be somewhat easy and cautious of what you say.”

Kurt looked at him shocked.

When the hell did he become that bad guy around here?

“What gives you the idea that I'm the one who’s doing any wrong here? He’s the one who cut all ties. Not me.”

“Really Kurt. Because the last time I checked when was the last time you called him in a year and few months ago? Look I'm not here to interfere. But you need to know that you started this thing that you guys are going through. So if you speak to him, let him speak too.”

Kurt looked at Finn.

He couldn’t believe his own brother would say that to him but he knew why he said that.

“Okay, okay. I let him talk and I’ll speak rationally if it makes you feel better.”

“Thank You”

Finn hugged him and went back outside.

Kurt headed towards the stairs and was prepared for whatever was coming.

….

Blaine stood in the hallway looking at some of the photos that were on the wall.

Even though that things between him and Kurt have been rocky, they still have a whole bunch of pictures up of him.

He must have been standing there for a while because he didn’t know that Kurt had walked up beside him and was looking at the pictures too.

“Look Blaine I don’t know what I did to hurt you but I'm sorry.”

Blaine snorted.

“Sure you don’t Kurt.”

“What?”

Blaine then faced him and looked at him.

“Kurt you honestly don’t know what you did?”

Kurt waited for him to continue

“you didn’t think that I would find out that you had a boyfriend.”

“Blaine people grow up and get boyfriends”

“See that’s the part that irks me. You honestly don’t think you did anything wrong.”

Kurt got a little loud

“How am I supposed to know what I didn’t wrong if you won’t tell me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You cheated Kurt. A few weeks before I was supposed to see you again you got a damn boyfriend and cheated and acted like nothing happened. Now if I recall we were somewhat together. Am I right or wrong?”

Kurt bowed his head.

Kurt didn’t think this through.

He knows what Blaine is feeling.

And that’s heartbreak.

“That’s what thought. I know what we had wasn’t concrete but it meant something to me. I considered us endgame. I was going to move to New York and ask you out and everything. But then I decide to call you and who picks up, your boyfriend and not only that you were in the room doing whatever while he picked up YOUR phone.”

Blaine took a breath.

“Look I know you might think that I didn’t have interest in you until senior year, but I had always loved you. That day you walked up to me and said hi, you stole my heart. And then for you to do something like, feeling heartbroken doesn’t even fit the bill”

Then Kurt finally speaks

“Blaine stop acting like you haven’t done something to me that wasn’t heart breaking”

“And what would that be because you never said. You never say anything or cared about anything that had to do with us. If I didn’t say anything about this you wouldn’t have even said anything.”

Kurt fell silent.

“The last time I checked a relationship was between two people and if there was or is something wrong. You never mentioned that you were questioning our situation and as far as I know you were alright and I was doing my part.”

Kurt was upset and now he felt hurt and he was about to explode and he was about to ignite.

“Just because you go thru boyfriends like Kleenex tissues, does not give you any write to give out relationship advice”

Kurt yelled out.

“Really Kurt this is the way were going with this conversation”

“Hell yes we are. Blaine come on let’s get real. You weren’t going to be around that long anyway. You were getting famous and you would have your groupies and we would still be in this situation”

“Kurt you know damn well I wouldn't have done that to you.”

“Really says the one who slept with Sebastian Smythe who’s hazardous to human contact with all the STD’s he carries”

“Says the person who lost their virginity to their high school bully” says Blaine

Kurt stands there.

“And funny you say that, he’s actually married to your bully now, so who’s got the leg up now”

And everybody is just standing there speech less

Then Kurt just upright and punches him.

Blaine looked at him.

He knew that this wouldn't have been worked that easily.

But he didn’t expect to get punched for defending himself.

.....

After that night they both declared that they fucked up and there’s nothing that’s going to fix what they did and they didn’t do.

Kurt went to his room and cried himself to sleep. He couldn’t believe that he hit Blaine. He knew he was in the wrong from the beginning but he got so upset when he spoke about Sebastian and Dave.

Blaine went back to his hotel room and sat on the bed and thought about everything. The man he loved was not there tonight.

Kurt has never gotten pissed to the point where he would swing on someone.

 _Tempted_ but never would hurt someone.

Blaine sat there for a while and then got up and packed his bags.

He caught a red eye that night.

….

On his way to the airport, the cab passed a park that was setting off fireworks.

He looked at the fireworks.

They were bright and happy.

Ever since then, he has hated July 4th


	13. Let’s Not See Each Other Again Pt. 3

Let’s Not See Each Other Again Pt. 3

They must have sat there for 10 minutes before Blaine spoke.

“I know the way I've treated you recently isn’t right, but you have to understand….I _need_ you to understand that, the man that I thought I was going to _hopefully_ spend my life with and who I was in a…. _situation_ with just went ahead and started something else with someone else and didn’t have the balls to tell me.”

Blaine takes a deep breathe.

“Look I'm not putting the Blame on you anymore. I can’t blame you anymore. I should have come to you like a man and said something and I didn’t. So I’ll take the fall for the way things ended.”

Then he turns to look at Kurt.

Kurt stared back.

“But, what still hurt’s is that you were never there for me. I look back on everything since we graduated from high school and you were barely there for me. Every time you called, _I was there_ , when you Skype me, _I was there,_ when you received those awards your second year in college, who was the only one who could make the ceremony and made copies for everyone to see, _me,_ whenever and whatever you needed me for _I was there_. Do you not or have you ever realized how much I've been in love with you. And what kills me to this day I don’t even remember the last time I even remember hearing you saying I love you to me. I used to say it to you all the time and I can’t even remember the last time you’ve said it.”

Blaine stands up and walks further into the back yard and starts pacing for no reason.

It was Kurt’s turn to speak.

“Look I know you hate me or whatever this thing is. But have you ever looked at from my point of view. Blaine I was scared.”

“Kurt how would I have known, you never said anything. You barely spoke to me about anything. You spoke about Rachel and your other friends and school and auditions and party’s more than us.”

Kurt knew he was right.

“I always made sure that you were okay and that I always listened to you because I know things were rough for you. But have you realized that maybe just maybe I needed you to. That I needed that outlet. That I needed that nourishment and support. Don’t get me wrong I know you needed it. But what about me Kurt. What about me.”

Kurt felt way worse than he had before.

Blaine was right.

He was always there for him and did everything physically possible he could.

Kurt never thought of it until now.

Kurt looked at Blaine and starred.

He finally spoke.

“I'm sorry Blaine.”

Blaine finally stopped pacing and starred at Kurt.

“What?”

Kurt looked up.

“I said I'm sorry. I know how pathetic it sounds but I've finally realized that you’ve been a bigger part in my life than I actually realized.”

Kurt starred at Blaine’s shock written face.

“I guess what I should be saying is thank you. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be where I am today and I have everything to this day because of you and I know how shitty this sounds. But it’s obvious it’s well over due and no I don’t think this should change how you feel.”

Then Blaine just stares at him.

Just a blank look on his face.

He actually looks like he just seen a ghost.

“You know Kurt no matter how much I've tried to forget everything about and act like you’ve never existed, I can’t. And as much as I want to accept that apology or thank you, I'm not. Because once again you’re still thinking about yourself.”

Kurt looked shunned.

“Wait…excuse me?”

Kurt looked at him shocked.

“I just apologize and said thank you and I don’t get anything but you saying that I'm only thinking about myself.”

Blaine starred.

“What the fuck were you expecting from me Kurt, to bow down and accept everything and be satisfied? It doesn’t work like that anymore. We are grown ass men. We are adults and you are still treating this like a high school crush.”

Blaine bowed his head.

“I'm tired of fighting for someone who doesn’t want me or sees me as a human being. I tired of fighting for your love. I'm tired of fighting for you.”

Kurt looked at Blaine with a wounded puppy look.

Blaine looked at Kurt and could see that he might have hurt him.

They were quiet.

Then Kurt spoke.

“Look Blaine I know I haven’t been the best person. I know I've fucked up. I know you are beyond upset with me. I didn’t realize until it was too late that….I treated you like shit. You want to know the truth?”

“Yes. That’s the reason for this talk.”

“I was scared of losing you to someone better.”

Blaine looked shock, but in his core he was still upset because once again Kurt could have said something.

Blaine walked over to the porch steps and put his hands over his face and breathed heavily.

Blaine then spoke.

“And why couldn’t you have said something?”

Kurt sighed.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be with someone who’s always getting hit on, or people double take a look at the other person. But me on the other hand I get called a faggot, sissy, a queen, get threats from people you barely know and whatever other hurtful words. I've had to live with that since middle school.”

Blaine looked up.

“And I have I not been with you through thick and thin. Kurt I've been behind you, beside you and your number one fan since I met you and I've supported anything you’ve ever done. Do you think it wasn’t hard for me either with all the issues with being a gay teen in Lima? I've worked through my things alone so I could be there for you. Only thing I wanted was for you to love me and I still didn’t get that.”

Kurt was pissed.

“Why is it everything seems to be my fault between us. What is that I did that was so fucked up and horrible that made me this evil person.”

“You fucking lied to me and then betrayed me Kurt. I gave all my firsts to you and you just threw me away like I was nobody. I gave my kiss, my first relationship, my first ‘I love you’ and even my virginity. And what happens you drop me like an out of season sweater and moved on to the next item on the rack. So yeah I'm pissed and see as an evil person because when I was there for you it was easy as pie and when I finally needed you, you moved on to the French pain in the ass.”

Blaine was tired of fighting a hopeless issue.

“I want to know why you did it. Why did you move on and then didn’t tell me? What was it that told you not to tell your boy- never mind that, your best friend that you were having a so called relationship with that you have feelings for someone else and maybe we should cool it? I want to know why?”

Kurt had unshed tears in his eyes

“You want to know why? Because you were moving on with your life. You had your album coming out. You were doing tours and shows. Even though I had my own things I knew we weren’t going to last. We were already starting to grow apart.”

Blaine then shot up and stood in front of Kurt.

“No, don’t do that. ‘We’ has nothing to do with why you cheated and what are you talking about different ways. You stopped answering my calls and Skype calls. YOU stopped being in this relationship before the hard shit even came about. This all happened because you cheated and weren’t man enough to admit that for once you have fucked up and couldn’t deal with the fact that it was you and only you.”

Kurt then shot up.

“You want to know, fine Blaine I’ll tell you everything. Yes I cheated. I cheated because I was scared you were going to leave me first, so I tried to one up you and hurt you. You weren’t my first kiss or the person I lost my virginity to. When we first started to know each other I was in a relationship with someone else. When we to college, when I first got to New York I had sex with a few guys because I was fucking lonely. Remember that roommate I told you that I had staying with me, he was actually someone I was doing and the reason why he was never around when you were visiting was because I didn’t want to see him. Is there anything else you want to fucking know Blaine. You want to know the last time I was tested or maybe what’s my blood type.”

Sat down heavily on the steps.

He knew Kurt did him dirty, but he would have never thought Kurt would be that fucked up to do him so wrong.

Bad thing about it.

Blaine told him I Love You the first time he came to New York.

Now it just seems everything was just a bust and the joke was on him.

Blaine felt like crying.

But he wasn’t giving Kurt that much power.

He was going to leave and do the right thing before he did something he would regret.

Blaine got up and walked inside.

“Wait …where are you going?”

Kurt yelled

Kurt ran after him.

“Blaine where are you going?”

Blaine was putting on his coat.

“What fucking difference does it make? You don’t care and it’s clear that you never have.”

“I do care Blaine.”

Blaine stood in front of Kurt.

“Kurt if you cared you wouldn't have done what you did. You treated me like shit like everybody else did. I finally thought someone actually cared. Someone loved me for me. I finally had found my happiness.”

Blaine shook his head and turned towards the door and opened it.

He turned around and stared Kurt dead in his face.

“I knew I was never meant for happiness. Even since I was a kid. I was never wanted by parents or family. Never had many stable friends. I should have known when you came along it was too good to be true.”

Blaine cleared his throat.

“So I guess this is a thank you. For proving me right. That I will never have anything good and if I do get it. It’s only for a limited time. So thank you Kurt. Thank you for being brutally honest and telling me everything.”

Blaine then smiled a sad smile.

“I think this might be it for me. You’ve finally spoke the truth. If we just so happen to see each other in the city we don’t have to say anything or even speak. I’ll stay away from you and you do the same. ”

Blaine opened the door and said the one set of words that Kurt hoped he would never have to here Blaine say.

“Let’s not see each other again.”


	14. UPDATE FL

First and foremost, i want to apologize to all my readers for who are waiting for the final chapters for First Love.   
I also want to thank those who have just read it.   
I also appreciate those who have said their opinions and spoke the truth.   
In all reality I hated writing it after a while because between me getting aggravated with the way I went with Blaine’s character and people saying that they didn’t like it because this isn’t the Blaine from glee that everyone’s used to seeing.  
That’s the whole point in fiction.   
BECAUSE THE SHIT ISNT REAL.  
Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t bother me as much when I first started writing, but some fan girls need to realize that YES ITS FICTION.   
But I want to thank everyone for praising and liking it.   
I’m planning maybe three to four more chapters.   
I know its been a little hectic in the story. But in these last chapters everything will be clearer.   
I also wanted to ask has anyone else dipped into STEREK fan fiction.  
Yep sterek is my new crack. Lol.  
I will have these chapters to you in the next three weeks.   
PROMISE !! 

do you think I should dip into some stereo....?


End file.
